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July 31, 2005
Bouncing Baby Boy
Cliff is giving me a heavy load of crap this time.
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: TOTAL COST NEEDED WITH FAVOUR/URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED.........
>Date: Sun, 31 Jul 2005 12:18:26 +0000
>
>Hello Harry,
> This is cliff from nigeria i wanted to inform you that my
>wife deliver with a bouncing baby boy and the boy looks like
>me,since yesterday i had been rejoicing praising God for what happen
>and i believed that you will be very grateful to hear that from me,
>my wife told me to infrom you about this yesterday but i could not
>make it,i decided to mail you today and i want you to prepare my
>baby gift and i will like to say hello to you and your family,i just
>want you to do me a favour i would like you to wire me $2,000
>because i wanted to settle some of my workers in nigeria and as you
>know that i supposed to had settle them since yesterday but i could
>not make it,the reason is that i discovered that some of my
>customers refused to make payment on the agreed date,what brings
>about all these matter is that i had not shows them how wicked i am
>concernigning about what they are doing to me,I just want you to sum
>(toaster+5 pics of phones+$2,000+commission+shipment) total cost
>needed and tracking number needed urgently so that i can make
>payment on monday.
> I wanted to withdraw some amount of money from my current
>account but i discovered that their is no sufficient capital in my
>acc and i find out the total amount that was in my acc but they told
>me that is less than 2m which supposed not to be so,i would like you
>to wire $2,000 because i still have sufficient capital in my credit
>card just that it can't not be cashed in nigeria but it can be used
>to make payment when goods are bought,and you know that am not
>purchasing i wanted to pay salaries to some not all some had been
>paid while remains others,so please Harry do me that favour so for
>me to settle them before they started laying cause on me please i
>don't want that to happen to me cliff nobody had done such a thing
>to me in my life and i dont want that to started happen because of
>small amount of money when i have suff in my credit card so
>immediately i you recieved the credit card details go striaght to
>the bank and cashed it immediately,after that make sure you send me
>the money that day so that i can be able to settle my workers in
>nigeria i believed you understood me right?.
> I would like you not to disappoint me in these please and i
>wanted to assure you that am a nice,honest,truthful etc that i don't
>like to cheat or to fraud another person since am God fearing
>everything,how could you expect me not to make payment after all
>things that you had done for me and am still asking this ? again do
>you ship those 5 pics of phones along with the toaster ? please
>response to that because i told you that i wanted to Award those
>that perfomed very well in my company with that so please make an
>arrangement for that if not.
> I trust you that you will do me that favour because you are a
>nice and honest person, person that i will never forget in my life
>and i promised you that one day we shall se each other.I would like
>to know my tracking number on monday so that i can be able to clear
>those goods from the nearest post office to me company.
> This is my home address that i wanted you to wire me the money
>to, below:
>38,ofada street,
>mushin lagos
>Nigeria 23401,
>2348057714236 this is my mobile phone
>
>
>Regards
>cliff your pal
Posted by calculatoronfire at 10:29 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
CAM DOWN
Like Mike, Cliffon the Nigerian Email Scammer thinks I shouldn't make too big a deal out of Harry's daughter leaving the church.
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: CAM DOWN
>Date: Fri, 29 Jul 2005 16:23:49 +0000
>
>Hello Harry,
> Thanks for the response and i would like you to known one
>thing that i am angry because i can find your mail in my box since
>last week i thought you wanted to dump me just like that but i want
>to assure you that am going to send you the credit card details for
>payment.I will like to know the total cost with shipping via us
>postal services,and am thinking of something about my order and
>based on those phones i just wanted to conferm if Randy's ship those
>phones.
> Harry cam down nothin will happen can't you trust me anymore
>am still there for you alright, okay i will send you the credit card
>details immediately i recieved the tracking number with the total
>cost, i will make sure i send you the credit card don't think you
>are in big trouble okay.I hope you understand what am talking
>about.Thanks for the shipment i still appreciate that from you,that
>you dispatched those goods via usps.Thanks.make sure you send me the
>total cost.
>
>
>regards
>cliff
Posted by calculatoronfire at 10:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 28, 2005
The Toasters Have Been Shipped
Cliffon the Nigerian Email Scammer still wants his toasters. I don't have any toasters, but I'm trying to see how long he'll keep emailing me before he gives up.
Here I blame someone else for not giving Cliff his tracking number.
From: "calculatoronfire @hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: HOW FAR IS MY ORDER?
Date: Thu, 28 Jul 2005 00:13:08 -0400
Cliff,
I told you I'd be out most of the week at my daughter's wedding. I guess you forgot about that because I got a bunch of emails from you in my inbox.
I probably didn't let on too much that I didn't like my daughter's finacee - the midget. I've been trying to keep that to myself for her sake. I never liked the guy though. He's always unshaven with a long pony tail. Plus, I think he's unemployed. He says he's a movie actor, but I've never seen him in anything. And when I ask he's not exactly straight forward about what movies he's done.
Anyway, I'm openly hostile toward the kid now. He's getting my daughter to stray from the church. She went off and married that darn midget on a beach. Can you believe that? My wife knew the wedding wasn't going to be in a church, but never said anything. The whole family kept it from me. I was the last one to know that the midget wouldn't be marrying my daughter in a house of God. Hell, they didn't even have a pastor in the crowd. Can you believe that? I know they have pastors, even out in fancy Los Angeles.
You think you're angry about not getting a tracking number? You really don't know anger until you've gone through what I've gone through this past week. But I hope you never have to go through such a thing.
Damn. I've had buddies go down around me in Nam, real good buddies, but it never hurt like it hurt to see my daughter turning her back on the faith.
I've been practically in tears for the last 3 days now.
So, yeah. I had a bit of a bad week. And then I come back and find all your emails and I'm getting angrier. I guess you didn't get the tracking number. I apologize for that. I thought Randy was on top of that one. I thought I could trust him. I can't believe he'd skip something like that. I gave him your phone number and told him to call you with the tracking number. He's normally good at doing everything to the letter. He's a real exact guy. A bit retarded I think, but good at following directions and working with electronics.
Cliff, to be honest with you I'm not sure that's the only thing he screwed up. If I'm reading the note correctly he sent the packages via the US Postal Service, not UPS like I told him. I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, so perhaps he did it that way in order to get you the best rate possible. I was really sure he got that one. I didn't want him going off and sending your packages super-express with a chaperone, or whatever they do to make it so darn expensive.
I'll tell you this much, the toasters are out of the shop, and I assume they're somewhere over the Atlantic if not to you already. There's no way I could miss a mountain of toasters like that here in the shop.
Anyway, Randy's out of the shop this week so I don't know how I'm going to get this darn tracking number for you, but I'm going to try. I would ask the boss, but I already know I'm in big trouble with him for shipping the stuff without getting a credit card number first.
By the way - I need that info pronto. The boss has left me about a dozen messages each more threatening than the last. And after seeing my daughter take that heathen midget as her husband this past weekend I don't need any more trouble.
I'm sure you don't either.
I'll get that tracking nubmer for you ASAP.
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at 12:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 27, 2005
Doesn't He Give Up?
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: HOW FAR IS MY ORDER?
>Date: Wed, 27 Jul 2005 14:53:36 +0000
>
>Hello Harry,
> I thought you will mail me but i could not find it, i just
>want to know what is happenning with my order.Thanks
>
>regards
>pal
Posted by calculatoronfire at 12:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 25, 2005
Gone for a Second
I was gone for, what two days and Cliffon the Nigerian Email Scammer is all like freaking out on me...
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: SEND ME MY TRACKING NUMBER.....
>Date: Sat, 23 Jul 2005 19:03:10 +0000
>
>Hello Harry,
> This cliff sending you another mail asking formy tracking
>number because you told me that my goods will be dispatched
>yesterday but i can find my tracking number,but i believed that my
>goods have been shipped yesterday because the Awards will be held on
>teusday so please send me my tracking number for confermation.
> PLease send me my tracking number today and send my greetings
>to everybody at home bye.I look forwards in knowing my tracking
>number within 15 hours.Thanks.
>
>
>
>regards
>cliff
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY ORDER/TRACKING NUMBER PLEASE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW,OKAY.
>Date: Mon, 25 Jul 2005 18:09:37 +0000
>
>
>
>
>Hello Harry,
> I would like you to know that am angry for what you promise
>me that my order would be shipped on friday but you refuse to
>fullfil your promise which is very bad and i wanted you to know
>something that i trust you that you can"t lie for me but is like you
>wanted me to distrust you.And i told you that if your problem is
>that you can ship those goods without payment you can inform me that
>was not the problem but you told me that you can transact that kinds
>of business with me and remeber you told me that you trusted me and
>i do soo.
> The main reason why i mail you is that i wanted you to know
>how much was so painful to me concerning about my order that you
>told me would be shipped on friday but you is not so,and i had been
>expecting the tracking number since friday but i thought you are
>going to sent me the tracking today on monday and i believed you
>still remeber that the award will be coming up soon on wednesday.
> I was highly disappointed in you Harry for what you did and i
>don't expected that from you because you had been so nice to me alot
>and i believed that you will change your character concerning about
>what i said,now i would like you to let me know if you are going to
>ship those item away from your store or not and maybe you are
>expecting payment before you can ship if soo,that was not the
>problem if that'S what you are expecting from me, you can tell me
>but what i believed is that i don'T want you to do mistake in
>charging form me that was why i asked you to ship and send me the
>tracking number for confermation and the payment will be made then.
> I hope you hav heard me and you understood what i mean Harry,i
>will like you to mail me back and answer to this ? that was asked
>from you so that we can find a solution to what happen.And please
>make sure you prepare the packages of my order ready for shipment i
>mean the phones and the toaster for shipment.Please get back to me
>what is wrong with my order for me to find solution to it and stop
>delaying my order from shipment and remeber i told you that my order
>should be shipped via ups and wrapped those item like a gift and i
>would be expecting your reply withing today and tomorrow so that we
>can find a solution to what happen, i believe you get me right and i
>would like to know if your wife had been ready to send me the
>invitation letter so that i can send her my details for sending the
>invitation.PLease get back to me immediately you received my message
>Harry please.I looked forwards in knowing what is happen with my
>order from shipment and you knew that if you can be able to process
>my order faster that is when i can create a chance for me to join
>you overthere and share fun with you Harry not that am angry but i
>wanted to know what is wrong okay i hope you get me Harry, send my
>greetings to your lovely wife and children.Thanks for the
>corperation one thing for you is to carries out the transactiong
>successfully and GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU FIND THE SOLUTION AND SHIP
>THOSE ITEM FOR ME TO CARRIES OUT THE AWARD THIS WEEKS THANKS HARRY.
>
>
>
>
>REGARDS
> CLIFFON
Posted by calculatoronfire at 07:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 22, 2005
Cliffon's Timeline
Cliffon the Nigerian Email Scammer knows Harry is off to see his daughter marry a midget, yet he insists on writing and sending a timeline. I want my items shipped in 5 hours!
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: I AM EXPECTING THE TRACKING NUMBER TODAY.OKAY
>Date: Fri, 22 Jul 2005 16:37:12 +0000
>
>
>Hello Harry,
> Thanks for the response and i would like to inform you that
>i want the phone and the toaster to get ship today,and i will be
>expecting my tracking number in the next 5 hours so that i can send
>it to a friends of mine in ups company in rder for him to transport
>those goods to my company directly and and for me to prepare you the
>credit card details for payment.
> And am assuring you that immediately i recieve my tracking
>number today i promise i will send you my credit card details
>instantly,i hope you understand what i mean, and i want you to send
>me the total cost immediately you ship those item
>include(phone+toaster) out of your store.
> And send my greeting to you wife and children and everybody that
>i will be there in some time they should cool their mind.
> I WANT MY GOODS TO BE SHIP OUT TODAY HARRY BECAUSE THE AWARD
>WILL BE HELD ON TEUSDAY NEXT WEEK SO PLEASE GET THEM SHIP.SEND ME
>MY TRACKING NUMBER IMMEDIATELY.I WILL BE EXPECTING THE TRACKING
>NUMBER TODAY.THANKS FOR YOUR EFFORT AND CORPERATION.OKAY
>
>
>
>REGARDS
> YOUR PAL CLIFF
Posted by calculatoronfire at 06:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 21, 2005
These Emails Crossed Over the Atlantic
Cliff was writing to me at the same time I was writing to him. He was demanding tracking numbers for the toasters. I was telling him about my vacation.
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: tracking number is expected tomorrow..
>Date: Thu, 21 Jul 2005 20:23:38 +0000
>
>
>
>Hello Harry,
> I told you that i wanted my goods to be ship in the next day
>which is friday and i will be expecting my tracking number
>tomorow,i pray that you shall be bless and i want you to call me
>immediately you recieve this mail now i will be expecting your call
>for me to hear your voice for the first time and to know how far was
>my goods/ order.I believe that you wont disappoint me in my order.I
>look forwards in knowing my tracking number early tomorro.
>
>
>
>Regards
> your pal cliff
>From: "calculatoronfire @hotmail.com"
>To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
>Subject: RE: TRACKING NUMBER NEEDED ON FRIDAY PLEASE.Okay
>Date: Thu, 21 Jul 2005 17:03:10 -0400
>
>Cliff -
>
>I wasn't blowing you off, I've just been really busy. Things around
>the shop have been crazy.
>Chad, the guy supplying the toasters, has been giving me some grief.
>First he told me he could get the toasters to me by the Thursday
>(today), then he said next week because he couldn't get a toaster
>out of the room of one of his long-term residents. I told him I
>needed the toasters this week or I wasn't going to buy them at all.
>I mean, how hard is it to get a toaster out of a room? We went back
>and forth a bit and I had to threaten him a few times; I just know
>how badly you need these toasters. He finally agreed to have them
>delivered to the shop late tonight.
>I'm leaving for the weekend after I finish this email, but I'm
>leaving Randy in charge of packing up all the toasters. I instructed
>him to have the toasters out of the shop before close of business on
>Friday and to have them wrapped as gifts. He's a real bright guy,
>and a great worker. He'll carry out everything to the letter, I'm
>sure.
>I'd do this all myself, as you're my client, but I've got to get
>down to my daughter's wedding. She's marrying a nice little person
>-- that's what the wife has me calling him anyway. Up until she
>started dating this guy I just called them midgets. So anyway, I've
>got to get down to that wedding, and I'll probably be out most of
>next week.
>
>You mentioned something about a pretty exorbitant customs tax, so
>I've instructed Randy to mark the packages as gifts and declare a
>nominal value. That should also lower the shipping cost. He'll find
>the lowest possible price for shipping. I've also instructed him not
>to send the invoice, just like you asked. I'll hold onto that until
>you come visit.
>I'm really looking forward to that. I don't know that anybody has
>ever traveled from another country just to see me, though my sister
>once had a Japanese foreign exchange student about 10 years ago.
>
>Well, I've got to cut this short. While writing this message
>something popped up with the other deal I'm trying to close before I
>leave.
>I don't know if I mentioned it already, but we're getting a shipping
>pallet of iPods at about 1/2 the wholesale price. The pallet quite
>literally fell off the back of a truck during shipping and instead
>of sorting through to find which ones are good and which are still
>good the warehouse is just selling the whole pallet and having us do
>the sorting. My boss is counting on more than half of them working.
>Anyway, it seems someone in the warehouse swiped a few of the iPods
>from the damaged pallet and I've got to renegotiate a price.
>
>Ok. Tomorrow the stuff will be shipped.
>
>Harry.
Posted by calculatoronfire at 05:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 20, 2005
He Really is Coming!
Does this Nigerian Email Scammer's English get worse with every email or is he just trying to keep me on my toes?
Surprise me after I send him 84 used toasters. I'm sure he will.
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
>Subject: TRACKING NUMBER NEEDED ON FRIDAY PLEASE.Okay
>Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2005 14:16:45 +0000
>
>
>Hello Harry,
> I knew that you will be very happy concerning about what i
>said but am assuring you that i will be there very soon so get
>prepare.And send my greeting to your wife and her friends,but one
>thing was still wondering me about how am ganna do things overthere.
> Since i told you that you should ship those goods include
>toaster plus phone immediately it get to you, and i want those item
>to be ship before friday so that i can Awards those workers in time
>and for me to get my self ready of coming down to that state ,if you
>can ship those item before friday,i dont know what am going to do
>for you but i promise that i will surprise you as soon as i get
>there, and i will be responsible for any expenses overthere i
>promise and you know that promise is a debt.
> Please ship those goods before friday so that i can create a
>chance for me to be there in time please i beg of you.I trust you
>that you will not disappoint me in that because you have been so
>nice to me and immediately those goods are dispatch from your store
>i want you to send me down the tracking number with scan of the
>invoice and i can do all things to send you my credit card details
>for payment and if there is any other expenses you can calculate it
>and am ready to send you the total amount that you demand from me
>since i trust you that you can cheat me and i believe that you know
>that God exist,i trust you anyway,dont send the invoice along those
>goods you can keep it for me when i come down to that place i will
>take it along on my way back home .And i hope you understood what i
>mean by saying you should wrapp those goods like a gift.Thanks for
>mailing me and i will be expecting your tracking on friday evening.I
>look forwrds in knowing my tracking number as you do that GOD BLESS
>YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
>
>Regards
> cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 06:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Cliff is Coming to Visit
Cliff the Nigerian Email Scammer mentioned that he wanted to visit the States.
This email is a response is all about the "visit" without mention of the cell phone or the 84 toasters the scammer wants to buy for something like $5700.
From: "calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Visit
Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2005 00:14:22 -0400
Cliff -
I could hardly wait to get home to tell my wife the news that you were coming to visit us here in the States, but I held off because I wanted to see the look on her face when I told her.
Wow. She could hardly contain herself. I haven't seen her this happy since Bobby -- that's our black-sheep son -- was found not guilty in his embezzlement trial. I mean, she was truly ecstatic.
She's already started making plans for you to come and stay in one of the spare bedrooms. She even started straightening it up the minute she got off the phone calling every single one of her friends. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole city knows we'll be having a Nigerian staying with us.
I'm excited too. I think it's going to be a great time. There's so much here to show you even though we live in a pretty small city.
If you're into that artsy sort of stuff, we've got a couple art galleries and by all accounts we have the world's largest circular mosaic. That one's a real must-see. Even I was impressed when I saw it, and I don't give more than half a hoot about art.
We've got plenty of shopping. We just got a Circuit City on the edge of town. You can find just about any gadget you can think of over there. It's right next to a Dick's Sporting Goods. That one is my personal favorite. They've got everything from camping gear to baseball cleats.
Baseball isn't too popular in Africa is it? I heard they just axed it from the Olympics because there were never any African teams. Maybe we can change that, though. I'll bring you down to one of my neighbor's boy's games. He's on the Legion team in town. He's one hell of a player; only 16 years-old and has a fastball over 80 miles per hour. I can tell he's going to go pro.
If you want to see architecture we've got that too. We just got a new town hall built becuase the old one flooded a couple years back and did some major damage to the foundation. I'm not particularly fond of the thing, it's all circles and crazy colors, but the wife and all her friends say it's "progressive." I can't say anything too bad about the thing, though. Cliff -- I think I told you about him, the guy from my bowling team -- was the primary construction contrator. The way I look at it he was just building what they told him to build, though.
I guess I'm just a country boy at heart. I'd be more than happy to show you the country-side too.
Hell, I can even show you a 5-legged cow if you come soon. Those suckers usually don't live too long on account of their biological issues, but my brother just had one born on his farm.
He brews his own beer and has still in a small shed out on the land. I'm sure he'd love to show you some of his home-brew.
Oh. That just reminded me. My brother's got shooting range out there. We go out and shoot off all sorts guns. My wife calls it my PTSD therapy. It sure is a lot of fun, therapy or not. Are you allowed to own guns in Nigeria? I sure hope so.
If not, I'd love to have the honor of putting a semi-automatic in your hands for the first time.
Man, I'm excited about you coming up here. I can tell we're going to have some real fun.
Your pal,
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at 12:23 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 19, 2005
Can I Come Live With You?
Wow. Cliff the Nigerian Email Scammer wants to come visit!
>From: "knule ayoade"
>To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
>Subject: TRACKING NUMBER/URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED..
>Date: Tue, 19 Jul 2005 11:48:33 +0000
>
>Hello Harry,
> Hello i just want you to tell you wife that soon she will be
>in lagos,but i will like to spends some few days with you
>overthere.If you want me to be there you can send me invitation
>letter to my home address for me to prepare my visa to visite you
>people and that is when we can talk very well.
> And i wanted to construct a building to set up another
>branches in one of the state in nigeria and i will be very grateful
>if your wife or any of her friends will be the G.M of that because
>you harry you are a nice person to me that i will never forget
>because you are God fearing alot.
> If you want me to come and visit you overthere for more info,
>you can send me invitation letter for me to create a chance,i
>believe that you will arrange that if you want to send me the
>invitation letter you can send it to my Home address below
>38,ofada street
>mushin,lagos
>Nigeria 23401
>23480577142367.
>BACK TO BUSINESS..
> I just want to tell you something concernign about my order, i
>just want to inform you that one of my workers told me this morning
>that i must tell you that you should rap those item that will be
>ship to me because those custom if they find out that the item that
>was bought from you the amount is high they will charged me like
>$1070 for clearance of those item.
> And i dont want to allowed those custom to eat on me is better
>for me to wire you the money than to give them so please rap those
>item like a gift and for the invoice i just want you to scan the
>invoice to me for company reference and i dont want you to send it
>along with those goods when its time for shipment, just keep it for
>me.
> Immediately those goods are in your store i want you to ship them
>immediately and send me the total cost with shipping if there is any
>other expenses you can inform you can inform me for me to calculate
>the total amount that you will charges from my credit card.
> I believe that you can understand what i mean since that you are
>a business man too,i will be expecting my tracking number
>immediately those item are ship away from your store with the total
>cost for me to make payment,you can still abandone the invoice at a
>place just make sure that you ship those goods before friday this
>week.I look forwards in knowing my tracking number and urgent
>shipping needed,because the Award will be soon.
>
>
>REGARDS
>CLIFFON
Posted by calculatoronfire at 07:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 18, 2005
Send Me the Goods!
Don't pursue the "street guys." For they're criminals like me ...
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
Subject: urgent response needed
Date: Mon, 18 Jul 2005 17:44:07 +0000
Hello Harry,
Thanks for the response once again in will like to thank you
for your co-operation and srry about those street guys, dont stress
your self in pursuing them, just let them go on their own,remember
God dont want is son to engage in trouble or anything that does not
make sense.And i want to assure you that i will get the pictuture of
the lagos for your wife to see and anytime she"s is free she can
come to nigeria for an Holiday.
This is the shipping address that i will like you to ship
those item to:
41 palm avenue
mushin,lagos
nigeria 23401.
2348057714236
You can call me immediately my goods are ship from your store
in usa,and i hope you get me the sony ericson p910, i want to know
the actual amount to be paid before i send you my credit card
details and as you said earlier concerning about my shipping info
one if for my company and the other one is my home add i hope you
grab that right.
I will like you to get back to me the total cost so that my
order can get to me in time and you shall prepare my packages in
your store for shipment,and i want you to promise me that
immediately you receive the money from you bank that you will ship
those item away from your store if so.I want you to get back to me
the total cost for me to make payment and i will be expecting your
reply asap.
Regards
cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 01:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
I Want Pictures, Cliff
This weekend I didn't write to Cliff and he got a little nervous. Here I explain why the Nigerian Email Scammer didn't hear from me, give him a tentative price of his goods and ask him for pictures.
From: "calculatoronfire @hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Shipping Info and Request
Date: Mon, 18 Jul 2005 11:53:48 -0400
Cliff -
Don't worry. I didn't forget about you. How could I? My wife was
going around the house all weekend talking about you.
When I told her you sounded like a good Christian and about how you
are awarding some of your employees with $800 phones she just
couldn't stop talking about you. She's even talking about visiting
you in Lagos.
I told her I'm not sure it's really feasible, but she says I need to
take a vacation and she wants to go to Africa. She's never been to
Africa, but now hearing about you in Nigeria that's where she says
she "needs" to go. She's been bothering me to ask you for pictures
of Lagos. Could you send some?
I didn't get back to you on Friday because some little ruffians
smashed the front window of the store and I had a lot of running
around to do to get it fixed. We know it was just some kids getting
their jollies breaking windows because nothing was stolen. I mean a
store chock full of perfectly good electronics and air conditioners
and they didn't take a single thing. Nothing. Breaking a window was
enough for them.
Then my boss was asking me to fill out some insurance forms to say
we had a bunch of stuff stolen and I told him no. I'm not going to
be party to anything like that. I'm nothing if not law-abiding. We
run a good, honest business down here. A business nobody should have
any problems working with. We almost came to blows after a bit, but
he calmed down.
He can be a real hothead sometimes, but he knows it's not like I
forgot all my special forces training. I may be getting a bit of a
paunch, but I still know how to snap a man's neck in less than 3
moves. And hell, if nothing else this old potbelly of mine puts a
little more force behind my punches.
So all that was Friday before I made calls to my guys and found you
that fancy phone you asked for. I tell you, you've got expensive
taste when it comes to cellular phones. The best deal I could find
for you wasn't that great. Sorry about that, but this phone is in
pretty high demand here in the States. I guess it's got camera and
keyboard and all that sort of stuff people feel they can't live
without now days. Even if they can't afford them.
I guess that's what happened to the phone I got for you. It was
repossessed because the last owner missed his payments. Anyway, it's
still pretty close to the retail price. It's on the way to the store
here.
I'll send it out with the toasters. They should be dropped off at
the store later this week. I'll try my best to turn all the
merchandise around as quick as possible. I hate to keep a good
customer waiting. We will have to go through and clean off every
toaster, though. That's just the way I do business.
I've got a tentative price of all the goods for you. I won't know
the real price until I get everything in the shop and weighed, but
it looks like economy international shipping will be $4531.50 US.
I'll try to get the best configuration possible - they charge
different rates for different dimensions, so it makes a difference
how we pack the boxes. But no matter how we do it these are going to
be some expensive toasters. Are American toasters that popular in
Nigeria?
All told the transaction will be (tentatively) $5702.5.
Oh, I almost forgot. You gave me two different shipping addresses in
Lagos. Was one your house and one your business? Which one should I
send the merchandise to?
And don't forget the pictures for my wife.
Thanks!
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at 12:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Awww. He Misses Me
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
Subject: RE: FW: Toasters at hotel #40109
Date: Sat, 16 Jul 2005 20:40:23 +0000
Hello Harry,
What is happenning to you i dont get your mail since then why?.
Posted by calculatoronfire at 10:20 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 16, 2005
Too Sweet to be a Nigerian Email Scammer
Look how sweet Cliffon the Nigerian Email Scammer is, he even took the time to remind me to charge him more money.
What a guy:
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
Subject: remember
Date: Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:35:36 +0000
Hello Harry,
dont forget to calculate your commissionm okay bye.
Posted by calculatoronfire at 12:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
July 14, 2005
Cliff, As Indecipherable As Ever
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
Subject: urgent response needed
Date: Thu, 14 Jul 2005 19:20:30 +0000
Hello Harry,
Thanks for the response i will like to inform you that since you told me that you are not alright i have been praying unto God, thanks God that you are alright.
back to business
I will like you to to know the reason why i sent you message concerning about the phone, is just that i want to Awards some of my workers which will start on the 21st of july and i dont known what to make use of that"s the main reason.
I want you to do me a favour to look for sony ericson p910i mobile phone 5 pics because the phone is giving you more problem then i dont want you to stress your self because you just relief from sickeness i hope you understand what i mean, i believe that its will not scarce like nokia p9300,immediately you get the actual price for it i want you to calculate the total with shipping to my
destination that was given unto you.
About the toaster since you have conferm the no can you calculate the total with shipping cost.
What exactly i need from you now is toaster+mobile+shipping cost for me to send you my credit card details for payment and i will be very grateful if you do this transaction successfully.I believe that you will do it well because i trust you Harry.I loook forwards to hear from you asap.
regards
cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 04:26 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
No Word From Cliff
I haven't heard back from Cliffon in a day and a half. I hope he hasn't given up on me after I asked him for his (stolen, I'm sure) credit card number. Granted, I did also tell him I'd be out of the office for a couple days with the plague.
I thought I'd lure him back with an email about his second favorite subject, toasters.
From: From: "calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: Toasters at hotel #40109
Date: Thu, 14 Jul 2005 15:51:49 +0000
Cliff,
I got news on those toasters for you.
Looks like the MFG # I gave you was correct and the estimate was pretty close. The exact number is 84. Can you get back to me about them by next Wednesday? Check the email trail below for details.
I know you asked about pictures, but since I don't have the toasters in my hands right now I sent Chad, the guy at the hotel, a message asking him for photos. I'll pass them along when I get them.
I'm still waiting to hear about the phone. Is that model OK?
As you can tell, I'm back in the office. Turns out I was right, it was just a head cold, praise Jesus.
Harry
>From: "Chad Ivanovich"
>To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
>Subject: Toasters at hotel #40109
>Date: Thu, 14 Jul 2005 12:51:32 +0000
>
>Harry!
>Sure is nice to hear from you. Sorry I didn't get back to you
>sooner. I was out in Provincetown with a few friends. P-Town is
>simply breath-taking this time of year. You really should go.
>
>I thought Jim was just pulling my chain (wish he would ;) ) about
>buying ALL of those toasters. Sounds like you guys really want them
>all though.
>If I may ask, what are you guys going to do with 84 toasters? Has
>there been a run on toasters down at the shop?
>
>Anyway, I was right about the model number - 22605. The price will
>be the same too should Jim decide to come by and take them all off
>my hands.
>
>If you can let me know by COB next Wednesday. If you guys don't take
>them I'm going to sell them to the place that taking all the
>furniture on Friday
>
>Cheers
>
>J. Chad Ivanovich, Supply Manager
>Middle North Region
>
>
Posted by calculatoronfire at 12:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 12, 2005
Cliffon, I found You a Phone!
Turns out the Nigerian Email Scammer asked for a phone that doesn't exist. (search on google for Nokia 9300i and see what you find.) Good thing.
I don't have one.
What I might have, though, is the plague. Or so I told him:
From: "calculatoronfire @hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: I found you a phone!
Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2005 22:02:02 -0400
Cliff,
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I spent the day at the doctor's office instead of at the shop. I'm just stopping in to answer your email as I noticed that you wrote "URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED" in the subject line last time around.
Don't ask me how I could get sick in the middle of summer, what with the heat and all, but I've gone and done it. As a result, I'll be out of the office for the next two or three days on doctor's orders. Seems he wants me to basically quarantine myself, just in case. (This past weekend fishing with my son and grandson I got bitten by a groundhog while we were launching the boat. The doctor wants to make sure I don't have the plague-- something about close contact with rodents. I could have told him as much, though I do have a pretty awful headache.) But I'll try to make it in at least once a day when the rest of the guys aren't in.
What I'm saying is, I might not be able to get back to you right away but I'll try.
Well, on to business.
We don't usually deal in cellular phones on account of our expertise being in electrical wiring and not with computer chips. But there is a guy in the shop that has done a little work with graphing calculators and he said he was willing to give fixing up a Nokia 9300 for you a try. It took a lot of begging on my part for him to finally give in, then I found the 9300 hasn't even gone on sale here in the US.
So I went out and searched the market a bit yesterday trying to find you something comperable and today I got a call while at the doctor's office telling me about one that's available.
It's a Nokia 9500, which normally retails for somewhere around $800 here in the States, but I can get for you for $450+ S&H.
I haven't seen the phone, but my seller tells me it's barely been used. On the outside it's fine, he says not even a scratch. Problem is Mr Business, or whatever the last owner's name was, dropped it in the toilet and the sucker shorted out. Don't ask me how that happened, or if it really even did. My seller likes to make up stories about the stuff he passes may way. What I can tell you for sure is that Randy, the graphing calculator guy, will get the thing in working condition for you in no time flat. The guy's a genius.
It's company policy, however, to get a deposit on bigger orders like this. Seeing as you're overseas and a good customer I tried to get the boss to waive the fee, but he said I especially need to get one with you being so far away. So I'm going to have to ask you for a credit card number. Don't worry, you won't see a charge on the card unless we don't hear from you for 30 days and get stuck with the phone. I'll just need to verify it's a good number before we buy the phone.
You're a business man, I'm sure you understand.
As for the toasters. I haven't heard back from my contact at the hotel yet. He'll be back in the office Wednesday and I'll be sure to get you all the info about them ASAP.
Thanks for the business, Cliff.
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at 10:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 11, 2005
Cliffon's Quick Response
It looks to me like Cliff was a little offended when I hinted at his inability to speak English, the official language of Nigeria.
See if you can decipher this:
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
Subject: ITEM NEEDED/URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED......
Date: Mon, 11 Jul 2005 21:55:19 +0000
Hello Harry,
Thanks for the prompt response,l really appreciate your message the content of the mail was not well understood by you if am right butl'll gladly enliighten you more.Well about the items needed from you l don't know the number you have not send me the model number of the toaster you help me get and about the phone,yes there is something new l know it will be cost but no problem since you said you can get me the one used for sale l 'll like you to find out the priceso as to let me know the total price with shipping address as
soon as l get the model/number you help get.Waiting to read from you.
Warm Reagds
cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 06:28 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
What? Pictures?
Cliffon is certainly in a hurry to get his toasters and his camera phone. This is an attempt to pass time while working him up a little bit.
From: "calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: ITEM NEEDED/URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED......
Date: Mon, 11 Jul 2005 14:41:46 -0400
Cliffon,
I hate to say this, as I thought I was pretty good at deciphering customers' desires, having been in this job for nearly 20 years, but I'm not sure I understand what you're asking for.
Are you asking for me to ship you pictures of the toasters? Five of them? I thought I already sent you one. Granted, it wasn't the "actual" toaster, but a factory stock photo.
Is it hard copies you want? Actual photographs sent to you in Nigeria? I think you lost me there.
I suppose we've got to overcome what they call the "language barrier." Funny isn't it - both our countries were British colonies and have English as an official language and we still don't seem to understand each other that well. It's probably just email. It's always hard to tell what people mean using email.
I just need you to clear up what you meant by "5 pics of toaster for shipment."
For you information I'm looking into what exactly a Nokia 93000i is and where to get you the best price. It sounds to me like that is something we'll have to buy new. We don't usually do that as it means the prices are a lot higher, but there is a chance we can find it used.
I'll get back to you on the toaster shipping cost as soon as I get the exact number. Then I can determine the weight.
Thanks for your interest! You're certainly keeping me busy.
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at 02:54 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 10, 2005
Yeah, Get Me a Phone
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
Subject: ITEM NEEDED/URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED......
Date: Sun, 10 Jul 2005 12:54:53 +0000
Hello Harry,
Thanks for the response and i will like to thank you concerning about your corperation,i will like you to do me a favour concerning about the goods that i will like to place with my order, i want you to buy me NOKIA 9300i 4 PICS with 5 pics of toaster for shipment.I will like to hear from you the total cost with shipping to nigeria via ups and this is the shipping address below:
41 pal avenue street,
mushin,lagos
nigeria 23401
I look forwards in hearing from you,
regards
cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 06:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
July 08, 2005
Toaster for the Nigerian
Cliff wants to know about the toasters now!
Here's my response to the Nigerian email scammer.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Woah, Cliff, buddy. I didn't refuse to send you our website. We don't have one.
I told you I work for a small business. We repair and recondition electronics and small appliances and resell them. Like I said before, we work mostly with air conditioning units, especially this time of year.
We don't have a catalog, per se. We work on a come-as-you-go basis. If we've got it we sell it, if not you can wait and we'll alert you when we get it one. Of course, if you want something we don't have just let us know and we'll search for it.
Last week you told me you were interested in toasters so I told my boss. The boss is in good with the regional supply manager at hotel chain and my boss told his friend about you wanting a bunch of toasters. (It sounded to me like you wanted to work in bulk. I hope I'm not reading you wrong.) The friend told my boss that one of his hotels is refurnishing all the rooms and he'd give him a sweetheart deal on the toasters as long as he bought the whole lot (he wasn't sure offhand, but estimated 80). Personally I think the guy is a little fruity (don't know if that translates too well) and he's only giving the deal to my boss because he wants to do some pretty obscene stuff with him, but the deal is amazing.
I'll get you the exact number and models of the toasters when our contact gets back to us. Like I said his estimate was 80 toasters, and they are most likely Proctor-Silex toasters MFG#: 22605. That's what his hotels were furnished with last time they went through a refurbishment. (Image attached).
If you decide to buy the whole lot I can give you tentative price of $6.50 per toaster. Plus Shipping and handling. I know I also told you about our extra charge for shipping overseas. This is above and beyond the FedEx or UPS charge becuase custons forms have to be filled out which takes one of our repair guys away from his normal duty.
These toasters are less than 2 years old and most have seen little, if any, usage. Like I said, theyy're coming from a hotel. Who uses toasters in the rooms when they've got a free continental breakfast downstairs?
Let me know if you're interested in the toasters and I'll give you a solid number, model and price. After that, you say the word and they're yours.
I already talked to the card guy at the bank and he said there is no problem with the credit card and overseas buyers, but he did say to watch out with purchasers from Nigeria. I guess there's been a lot of problems with stuff payment-wise there. But you seem legit. I don't think there's any reason to worry.
Remember. Let me know about the toasters.
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at 10:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 07, 2005
Cliffon Seems Pissed
I'm corresponding with a Nigerian email scammer. I've replied twice, but haven't responded to his third email. This is his fourth. He seems pissed.
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire@hotmail.com
Subject: inquiry
Date: Thu, 07 Jul 2005 20:14:15 +0000
Hello sales,
I just want to know the reason why you refuseto mail me back
with the website.And i want to conferm you do accept credit card for
payment before i proceed if so you may not burder your self concern
about the site,you can just send all item that you deals with and
list them order means no 1,2,3,etc.I look forwards in hearing from
you soonest.BYE
Regards
cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 11:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 05, 2005
That Old Party Joke Pt 2 (final)
After my friend Marty's suggestion I ran straight out the front door and jumped into the back of my truck. It was dark and I could barely see, but thankfully I was drunk enough to keep the cold from bothering me too much as I felt blindly around in the freezing freezing boxes.
It didn't take me too long to find the sausages, but in order not to lose any time, and thus the mood, I hurriedly stuffed the sausage through my fly as I ran up to the doorway back to the party. The sausage was almost frozen - still pliable, but plenty cold against my crotch. My thigh. My calf.
When I felt it dragging on the ground I stuck my hand back in my pants and moved things around. I wanted one side shorter than the other so I could pull it out without too much struggling. Satisfied my sausage was long enough I burst through the door.
I went to the kitchen first, and obvious first stop for sausage/pants related sexual innuendo. After a few laughs I went on to the den where the only two females were talking about hair salons.
Should I just burst in? That might make me seem like a pervert. Funny that I didn't think pulling sausage from my pants alone could get me confused with such characters, but that's what I thought. Yeah. I should just work it into conversation.
Their conversation went on and on about hair salons. Bangs. I think there was talk of bangs too. I know all advances from the men in the room were ignored and rebuffed. They were in some sort of zone. Perhaps to block out the perverts.
"I was thinking of going there."
"What?"
"You said that place on Lincoln, right?"
"Yeah. My friend works there."
Sweet. I'm in! "I always pass that place. I hear some good things too."
"Oh, yeah. It's great."
I've got to ease the conversation over to something sausage related "That's by that new Supermarket, right?"
"I don't think so."
Food. Good start.
The talk went on until I could take it no longer. I pulled out the sausage. I left it hanging at first. Just a little suggestion that there was plenty more underneath. But nobody took the bait.
I left the two girls and started talking to the guys sitting on the couch behind them. They were right about eye level with my sausage. "What the hell, dude! Put that shit back in your pants."
Finally. "What? It's just my sausage."
This got everyone's attention. I reeled out more and more sausage.
I chased a few people around.
I blacked out.
I woke up sleeping in the basement curled up with a huge length of sausage and a few people standing over me.
"No. He can't stay here."
"C'mon man. It's just a little sausage."
"No fuckin' way. He's not staying in my house. Fuckin' party's over and he's got to go."
"Alright. I'll got." I said. "Marty can I stay at your place?"
"I don't have any place for your dogs."
"Oh. Yeah. I forgot."
"That was some good shit with the sausage though."
"What? Oh, yeah."
"I didn't know it was that long."
"Yeah. My dad. He had me bring a bunch of these."
"You still giving it to him?"
"Yeah. I've got to. He paid me for them already."
"No way. That's fucking gross."
"Well, what am I gonna do? Tell him "I'm one sausage short cuz I got fucked up last night and stuffed it down my pants. Sorry, Dad."
I grabbed my sausage and went outside into the cold to my truck. I hopped in back and stuffed the sausage into the box I got it from earlier that night. I opened up the cage where the dogs rode and went to the garage to get them. In the dark, tired and hung over as I was I marched them into the back of the truck and tried to herd them into the cage, but one of them caught a whiff of the sausage and made a dash for the box.
I grabbed her, but it was too late. She already had her head in the box and was trying her best to get the sausage down her throat without swallowing. After some struggling I ripped it out of her mouth and stuffed it back into the box.
I secured both dogs in the cage and went back to the sausage. Shit. Which one did she eat. I hope it wasn't the oen down my pants. But I couldn't tell, and although I had a good deal of fun with a sausage down my pants I was in no mood to rummage through a box of sausage just as the sun was coming up. I was tired, and a bit hung-over. It was dark. And itw as a box of sausage, for Christ's sake.
So I drove home. The only part she had in her mouth stayed there. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. He's going to cook them, right? These thoughts and more went through my head on the hour and a half drive to my parents' house.
I got to my parents' house just as they were waking up. I made sure to unload the sausage before the dogs, to avoid any further incidents, and went inside.
"Brian. It's so nice to see you. Are you hungry?" My mom asked.
"Did dyou bring the sausage? We can eat that for breakfast."
"Yeah, Dad. I have it. But I just want to go to sleep."
"You just got here."
"I know I've been driving all night."
"No you haven't You called before you left. It isn't that far. Have some breakfast."
I was too tired to resist. They herded me into the kitchen. "Where are the sausages. I can't wait to try them."
I sat and watched as my dad grabbed the sausage. His first pick a lucky one. "Why is the end of this one all fucked up?"
"I don't know."
"Yuck. There's a fucking dog hair on here."
"Oh. Yeah. My dog stuck her head in the box. She might have eaten part of one." It was probably the same one I had down my pants earlier. I neglected to add.
"Oh. Ok. We'll just give that one to your grandpa then. He'll never notice. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."
Posted by calculatoronfire at 07:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 04, 2005
That Old Party Joke Pt 1
Saturday I went to Sweetney's (not) Fourth of July Party. Instead of crashing the party with nothing but empty hands that need filling with beers Emma and I decided to bring some food. So before leaving we whipped up some cupcakes and little pirate flags on toothpicks to bring to the party.
"There are going to be kids there."
"Yeah, I know. I probably shouldn't run around naked then."
"No. I mean, what if the kids stab each other in the eyes with the toothpicks."
"Oh yeah. Kids do that sort of shit all the time. I didn't think of that. I only thought not to wear my shirt that says 'Eat shit and die.'"
Thankfully the kids didn't think to poke each other in the eye. The only poking I saw going on was when I poked one of the toothpicks through my tongue. At least I hope it looked like I was poking it through my tongue. I don't want to find out that I had a nasty pickled lamb tongue in my mouth for 15 minutes or so sucking it in and out and nearly gagging only to find out that the kids weren't even convinced it was my tongue. Granted, the fact that I stuck toothpicks through it should have tipped them off already.
But they're just kids. I expect them to be tricked. Not like adults. I only expect them to be half as amused as me.
Like the night I pulled my sausage out. I didn't expect anyone to think it was my penis. It was like 4 feet long, for Christ's sake. I just thought it would be funny.
After skipping Thanksgiving my mom had been bothering me to spend time with my family for Christmas, and I finally gave in. I told them I'd go up from Ohio, where I was living at the time, to visit them in Wisconsin for a week.
"Bring some of those sausages" my dad said.
"But they're only selling them this weekend. Won't they go bad?" It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and some people I knew slaughtered a pig and made some sausage.
"Know it won't go bad. It's smoked, right?"
"Yeah. They're selling smoked and double smoked."
"Oh. Double smoked. Get me five pounds of that."
"You think it'll keep?"
"Yeah. Just keep it in the fridge."
When I loaded up my truck with some Christmas presents, the sausage, and my dogs, who I didn't trust in the hands of my neighbor for a week -- considering last time I left them with him, for only two days, I returned to find him nearly passed out on his porch with a bottle of Carlo Rossi while my dogs ran around the neighborhood tipping over garbage cans -- I noticed the sausage was moldy. So I called up my dad and broke the news to him. I say "broke the news" because he's a bit of a sausage fanatic -- which may explain why I have a pound of horse sausage in my fridge at this moment.
"Just wipe it off. It'll be fine."
"Dad. It's this slimy mold. It's pretty gross."
"It's just on the outside. Wipe it off and it'll be fine."
So I did as told and started on my way.
Around that time I was going on road trips quite regularly and I thought it would be fun if I challenged myself never to eat on days I was on the road. That came in handy with respect to the moldy sausage, but it didn't work out so well when I made it to Chicago.
I showed up at my friend's house -- just to say "Hi" -- and he insisted I go to a party with him.
"Hey, Bob's having a party at his house."
"Sweet. Let's go."
I figured the sausage would be fine in the wintry Chicago night and I arranged for the dogs to stay in Bob's garage while I drank."
"Bob. I'm putting my dogs in your garage, ok?"
"Isn't there some place else you can put them?"
"Bob. I can't leave them in that cage in teh back of the truck. And besides, they seem to like it in your garage."
"What? They're in there already?"
"Yeah. What do you have to drink."
I knew I was drinking on an empty stomach, but I ddin't think too much of it. After a few stiff drinks I wasn't thinking much at all. In fact all I remember was hitting on on of the few girls at the party. I told as much to the friend that brought me to the party.
"Dude. That girl is pretty hot. Either that or she's the only girl at this sausage fest."
"Yeah. Go get it!"
"What? Go get what?"
"Didn't you say you brought some sausage?"
"Yeah. So?"
"Go get it."
"Why?"
"Stick it down you pants and pull it out in front of her."
I immediately ran out to my truck.
Posted by calculatoronfire at 02:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
July 03, 2005
He Wants the Goods
From: "knule ayoade"
To: calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com
Subject: RE: INTERNATIONAL ORDER
Date: Sun, 03 Jul 2005 14:28:46 +0000
Hello Harry,
Thanks for the response i would like you to forwards the list of all your product that you deals with to me in other for me to place my order on those item am interested onand i will like you to give me more info on toasters machines, i like your corperation to me.I look forwards to hear from you Harry.
regards
cliffon
Posted by calculatoronfire at 03:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack