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November 30, 2005
Getting the Boys' Attention
Around last call many of us at bars are confronted with difficult questions, especially on weekends. Last weekend I was confronted with a very serious question, and it wasn't, should I have another drink?. I'd already decided to get another pitcher. No, my question was one I didn't expect to be asking myself when I left home.
It was, "should I watch these two girls making out or not?"
Usually a guy wouldn't even think twice about watching two drunk girls making out, but something about these girls and what they were doing wans't quite right. First, one of the girls looked almost exactly liek Uma Thurman.
But not assassin-in-tight-yellow-body-suit Uma Thurman, I'm talking about recently-ODed-just-got-an-adrenaline-shot-in-the-heart Uma Thurman. The strung out on cocaine, sweaty, full of snot looking Uma Thruman.
Her and her friend found each other in the bar and seemed to devise a plan to grab the attention of guys in the bar. "Hey, I look like I just vomitted on myself and most of the guys here are going to look right past me at the girls with out vomit on their pants."
"Oh, that sucks. Maybe if we make out guys will watch."
"Good idea."
So they ran at eat other and started making out with a strange physical intensity. Arms were vigorously flailing about, hair flying like they were in some sort of make-out race. Out of curiosity more than arousal I gave in and watched for a few seconds at a time.
I watched until they suddenly split up and the Thurman look-alike hurried to the back of the bar -- toward the bathrooms.
"Why were you watching them make out?" I was suddenly asked.
"That was not hot."
"Why were you watching. That's so rude."
"How could you not look at that? They were, like, all over the place."
"How would you like ti if I was staring at two guys making out?"
To avoid further questioning along those lines I decided to the bathroom.
While in the bathroom I heard an irate English voice yelling. "What the fuck is she doing with my girlfriend? No, I won't calm down. How would you like it if some cunt was fucking with your girlfriend."
She must be making out with another girl back here I thought to myself.
Sort of chuckling to myself about the situation as I left the bathroom I looked up just in time to see that it was, indeed, the girl that looked straight out of the gutter that had caused the uproar and that the beer the English guy threw at her missed.
Of course I would have found that out anyway. When the beer hit me.
Posted by calculatoronfire at November 30, 2005 09:08 PM
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Comments
Free beer! I'm a sucker for a story with a happy ending.
Posted by: tfg at December 1, 2005 09:13 PM
How come you never hang out up here. I'm scared to go down to your neighborhood.
Posted by: mike at December 4, 2005 12:14 AM