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October 05, 2005
Eviction
Last night -- for perhaps the first time in my life -- my dad called me.
Not that I've never spoken to him on the phone before. I have. It's just that either I've called my parents or my mom has called me. My dad has never, to the best of my recollection, called me until last night.
He called when I was taking a break from watching "Some Kind of Monster" with Emma and one of the first things he asked was what I was doing.
"Watching a Metallica video."
"Metallica video. I didn't know you like them."
"I don't Emma just wanted to watch it."
"Is it any good?"
"No. It's awful."
"Then why are you watching it?"
I told my dad I was watching the movie because Emma wanted me to watch it with her and theat even if I didn't like Metallica or the movie it took up less than 2 hours of my life.
"Be careful. That's how they get you."
"What? Making you watch movies?"
"Your mother and I went to a movie the first time we went out."
It was the first time I'd ever heard him say anything about when the two of them had met. I'd never asked and he'd never volunteered any information. I'd never asked my mother about how they met either, but she'd told me a thing or two. I seem to recall that he asked her out and she went out with him because he had a Bible in his back pocket. I have no idea why he would have ever carried a Bible unless perhaps he was using the pages to rolling joints, but she claimed he was carrying one.
"I should have cut my dick off with a bayonet right then."
"What?"
"A bayonet."
"You should have 'cut your dick off' with bayonet?"
"Or a fucking butcher knife. A pocket knife."
"Oh."
"Or just gnawed the shit off myself. It would have saved me some trouble."
We went on to talk about my neighbors.
"Have they moved out yet?"
"No. They refuse to move out. They claim they don't have anywhere to live."
"Fuck them. Kick them out on the street."
"I can't just kick them out though."
"You told them to leave and they didn't. Throw their shit on the street."
True. I did tell them to leave and they didn't. They're over 3 months behind on their rent and don't seem to show any interest in paying for the house they find so comfortable. Unfortunately in order to legally kick them out of the house I have to get a judge to kick them out.
I told them in July I wouldn't renew their lease and they'd have to be out September 1st. But they didn't leave. They begged me to let them stay longer, at least until the older woman living in the house got her lump-sum pension check. Something she anticipated coming in the first week of September.
So in mid September I asked them if they were going to be out on the 15th.
"You want us out? When are we supposed be out? Why don't you give us a date?"
"Are you serious? Your lease is up. It was up on the first -- two weeks ago. I told you to get out and you're still here."
"Well, you only gave us 15 days notice."
"I gave you two months notice."
"Well, why don't you just give us a date you want us gone."
I went home and drew up a note that said something to the effect of I know I must be out of the house before 1 October or there will be legal consequences. I went back over and made the woman sign the paper. "Ok. Now you know the date."
"Ok. I just want you to know I'm not mad of nufin'. I think you've been a good landlord and you've helped us out a lot more than any other landlord would. I ain't mad at you ... but all the neighbors are."
"Oh, they are? Tell you what, I don't care."
Furniture started again to pile up in their back yard and more and more filled the trash cans in the alley. I was almost convinced they were moving out.
Then came the last week of September. Every time the neighbors saw me coming they retreated to their house to avoid talking to me.
I was gone last weekend, at my cousin's wedding, and on the way back turned to Emma. "I bet they're still in the house."
Sure enough, they were. When they saw me pull up they all got up off the lawn chairs they keep permanently in front and hurried inside. All except the woman's son.
He met me at my car and told me that they can't move out. That there isn't a single other house in the city of Baltimore they can rent until the 15th of October. That I can't kick them out without an eviction notice from a judge.
Well, I guess I'll be taking time off work this week to get that eviction order.
Posted by calculatoronfire at October 5, 2005 10:00 AM
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Comments
That's the #1 reason why I'll never rent out a house I own or co-sign a lease with someone I'm not married to. I know too much about crap that happens when you rent, first-hand.
An ex-boyfriend and I lived together, and when we broke up, he gave the landlords so much shit to get back at me, they decided to sell the house after we were both gone (I wasn't at fault, and the landlords knew it, but it's too long a story to get into). I felt, and still feel, horrible about it.
They say you never TRULY know a person until you live with them. I say you never truly know them until you split up.
Good luck!
Posted by: FreakMagnet at October 5, 2005 02:19 PM
I haven't checked up on you for some time.
I am glad it looks like you have a girl.
Posted by: Torren at October 5, 2005 02:35 PM
"I should have cut my dick off with a bayonet...It would have saved me some trouble."
One has to wonder if your dad realizes how INCREDIBLY INSENSITIVE it was to say that to HIS OWN SON.
I apologize for your father on behalf of the human race.
Glad you're not letting the neighbors walk on you.
Hang in, man.
Posted by: d2ana at October 5, 2005 08:23 PM
Man, I am glad I never have to hear about Dad cutting his dick off with a bayonet. Even while reading it, I was imagining the real conversation being a bit more colorful...Brian, are you sure a few details haven't been left out?
Posted by: Sonja at October 5, 2005 10:37 PM
sonja, I got the same conversation. It was about that colorful.
Posted by: nick at October 6, 2005 03:05 PM
Dude, you must have gotten the scaled down version of the conversation.
I left out a few colorful details, but so what? You got the point, didn't you?
That's what's important. Not exactly what obscenities he used.
Posted by: brian at October 10, 2005 07:09 PM