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July 28, 2005
The Toasters Have Been Shipped
Cliffon the Nigerian Email Scammer still wants his toasters. I don't have any toasters, but I'm trying to see how long he'll keep emailing me before he gives up.
Here I blame someone else for not giving Cliff his tracking number.
From: "calculatoronfire @hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: HOW FAR IS MY ORDER?
Date: Thu, 28 Jul 2005 00:13:08 -0400
Cliff,
I told you I'd be out most of the week at my daughter's wedding. I guess you forgot about that because I got a bunch of emails from you in my inbox.
I probably didn't let on too much that I didn't like my daughter's finacee - the midget. I've been trying to keep that to myself for her sake. I never liked the guy though. He's always unshaven with a long pony tail. Plus, I think he's unemployed. He says he's a movie actor, but I've never seen him in anything. And when I ask he's not exactly straight forward about what movies he's done.
Anyway, I'm openly hostile toward the kid now. He's getting my daughter to stray from the church. She went off and married that darn midget on a beach. Can you believe that? My wife knew the wedding wasn't going to be in a church, but never said anything. The whole family kept it from me. I was the last one to know that the midget wouldn't be marrying my daughter in a house of God. Hell, they didn't even have a pastor in the crowd. Can you believe that? I know they have pastors, even out in fancy Los Angeles.
You think you're angry about not getting a tracking number? You really don't know anger until you've gone through what I've gone through this past week. But I hope you never have to go through such a thing.
Damn. I've had buddies go down around me in Nam, real good buddies, but it never hurt like it hurt to see my daughter turning her back on the faith.
I've been practically in tears for the last 3 days now.
So, yeah. I had a bit of a bad week. And then I come back and find all your emails and I'm getting angrier. I guess you didn't get the tracking number. I apologize for that. I thought Randy was on top of that one. I thought I could trust him. I can't believe he'd skip something like that. I gave him your phone number and told him to call you with the tracking number. He's normally good at doing everything to the letter. He's a real exact guy. A bit retarded I think, but good at following directions and working with electronics.
Cliff, to be honest with you I'm not sure that's the only thing he screwed up. If I'm reading the note correctly he sent the packages via the US Postal Service, not UPS like I told him. I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, so perhaps he did it that way in order to get you the best rate possible. I was really sure he got that one. I didn't want him going off and sending your packages super-express with a chaperone, or whatever they do to make it so darn expensive.
I'll tell you this much, the toasters are out of the shop, and I assume they're somewhere over the Atlantic if not to you already. There's no way I could miss a mountain of toasters like that here in the shop.
Anyway, Randy's out of the shop this week so I don't know how I'm going to get this darn tracking number for you, but I'm going to try. I would ask the boss, but I already know I'm in big trouble with him for shipping the stuff without getting a credit card number first.
By the way - I need that info pronto. The boss has left me about a dozen messages each more threatening than the last. And after seeing my daughter take that heathen midget as her husband this past weekend I don't need any more trouble.
I'm sure you don't either.
I'll get that tracking nubmer for you ASAP.
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at July 28, 2005 12:18 AM
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Comments
Harry, don't let yourself get too distressed about your daughter. All children stray for a little while. They tend to grow up weirdos if they don't. Don't ask me why, they just do. But if you've instilled sound morals and good values, your daughter will come back to the fold. As it says in Revelations, "Even the great beast with seven gold seals over its eyes will lay down in gentle pastures, unmasking the wicked and dumb." So you can plainly see that your daughter will wake up to the fact that her "actor" husband is just a shallow fraud. It says so in the scripture.
Posted by: mike at July 28, 2005 07:34 AM
That actor husband! Damn him! He's a pornographer!
She better wake up soon or she'll have seven seals over her eyes. Or Whatever.
Posted by: brian at August 1, 2005 06:10 PM