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July 20, 2005
Cliff is Coming to Visit
Cliff the Nigerian Email Scammer mentioned that he wanted to visit the States.
This email is a response is all about the "visit" without mention of the cell phone or the 84 toasters the scammer wants to buy for something like $5700.
From: "calculatoronfire @ hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Visit
Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2005 00:14:22 -0400
Cliff -
I could hardly wait to get home to tell my wife the news that you were coming to visit us here in the States, but I held off because I wanted to see the look on her face when I told her.
Wow. She could hardly contain herself. I haven't seen her this happy since Bobby -- that's our black-sheep son -- was found not guilty in his embezzlement trial. I mean, she was truly ecstatic.
She's already started making plans for you to come and stay in one of the spare bedrooms. She even started straightening it up the minute she got off the phone calling every single one of her friends. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole city knows we'll be having a Nigerian staying with us.
I'm excited too. I think it's going to be a great time. There's so much here to show you even though we live in a pretty small city.
If you're into that artsy sort of stuff, we've got a couple art galleries and by all accounts we have the world's largest circular mosaic. That one's a real must-see. Even I was impressed when I saw it, and I don't give more than half a hoot about art.
We've got plenty of shopping. We just got a Circuit City on the edge of town. You can find just about any gadget you can think of over there. It's right next to a Dick's Sporting Goods. That one is my personal favorite. They've got everything from camping gear to baseball cleats.
Baseball isn't too popular in Africa is it? I heard they just axed it from the Olympics because there were never any African teams. Maybe we can change that, though. I'll bring you down to one of my neighbor's boy's games. He's on the Legion team in town. He's one hell of a player; only 16 years-old and has a fastball over 80 miles per hour. I can tell he's going to go pro.
If you want to see architecture we've got that too. We just got a new town hall built becuase the old one flooded a couple years back and did some major damage to the foundation. I'm not particularly fond of the thing, it's all circles and crazy colors, but the wife and all her friends say it's "progressive." I can't say anything too bad about the thing, though. Cliff -- I think I told you about him, the guy from my bowling team -- was the primary construction contrator. The way I look at it he was just building what they told him to build, though.
I guess I'm just a country boy at heart. I'd be more than happy to show you the country-side too.
Hell, I can even show you a 5-legged cow if you come soon. Those suckers usually don't live too long on account of their biological issues, but my brother just had one born on his farm.
He brews his own beer and has still in a small shed out on the land. I'm sure he'd love to show you some of his home-brew.
Oh. That just reminded me. My brother's got shooting range out there. We go out and shoot off all sorts guns. My wife calls it my PTSD therapy. It sure is a lot of fun, therapy or not. Are you allowed to own guns in Nigeria? I sure hope so.
If not, I'd love to have the honor of putting a semi-automatic in your hands for the first time.
Man, I'm excited about you coming up here. I can tell we're going to have some real fun.
Your pal,
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at July 20, 2005 12:23 AM
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Comments
I'm having a tough time remembering who the scammer is in this. It appears you're running a scam to get a new partially bilingual, enterprising, technologically savvy roommate.
Posted by: mike at July 20, 2005 07:34 AM
I do hope he'll be a roommate soon. Right now he's in Nigeria dialing up to a server in Israel to access hotmail and trying to get me to send him used toasters before he gives me a credit card number.
Posted by: brian at July 20, 2005 06:02 PM