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July 18, 2005
I Want Pictures, Cliff
This weekend I didn't write to Cliff and he got a little nervous. Here I explain why the Nigerian Email Scammer didn't hear from me, give him a tentative price of his goods and ask him for pictures.
From: "calculatoronfire @hotmail.com"
To: kunlecallforlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Shipping Info and Request
Date: Mon, 18 Jul 2005 11:53:48 -0400
Cliff -
Don't worry. I didn't forget about you. How could I? My wife was
going around the house all weekend talking about you.
When I told her you sounded like a good Christian and about how you
are awarding some of your employees with $800 phones she just
couldn't stop talking about you. She's even talking about visiting
you in Lagos.
I told her I'm not sure it's really feasible, but she says I need to
take a vacation and she wants to go to Africa. She's never been to
Africa, but now hearing about you in Nigeria that's where she says
she "needs" to go. She's been bothering me to ask you for pictures
of Lagos. Could you send some?
I didn't get back to you on Friday because some little ruffians
smashed the front window of the store and I had a lot of running
around to do to get it fixed. We know it was just some kids getting
their jollies breaking windows because nothing was stolen. I mean a
store chock full of perfectly good electronics and air conditioners
and they didn't take a single thing. Nothing. Breaking a window was
enough for them.
Then my boss was asking me to fill out some insurance forms to say
we had a bunch of stuff stolen and I told him no. I'm not going to
be party to anything like that. I'm nothing if not law-abiding. We
run a good, honest business down here. A business nobody should have
any problems working with. We almost came to blows after a bit, but
he calmed down.
He can be a real hothead sometimes, but he knows it's not like I
forgot all my special forces training. I may be getting a bit of a
paunch, but I still know how to snap a man's neck in less than 3
moves. And hell, if nothing else this old potbelly of mine puts a
little more force behind my punches.
So all that was Friday before I made calls to my guys and found you
that fancy phone you asked for. I tell you, you've got expensive
taste when it comes to cellular phones. The best deal I could find
for you wasn't that great. Sorry about that, but this phone is in
pretty high demand here in the States. I guess it's got camera and
keyboard and all that sort of stuff people feel they can't live
without now days. Even if they can't afford them.
I guess that's what happened to the phone I got for you. It was
repossessed because the last owner missed his payments. Anyway, it's
still pretty close to the retail price. It's on the way to the store
here.
I'll send it out with the toasters. They should be dropped off at
the store later this week. I'll try my best to turn all the
merchandise around as quick as possible. I hate to keep a good
customer waiting. We will have to go through and clean off every
toaster, though. That's just the way I do business.
I've got a tentative price of all the goods for you. I won't know
the real price until I get everything in the shop and weighed, but
it looks like economy international shipping will be $4531.50 US.
I'll try to get the best configuration possible - they charge
different rates for different dimensions, so it makes a difference
how we pack the boxes. But no matter how we do it these are going to
be some expensive toasters. Are American toasters that popular in
Nigeria?
All told the transaction will be (tentatively) $5702.5.
Oh, I almost forgot. You gave me two different shipping addresses in
Lagos. Was one your house and one your business? Which one should I
send the merchandise to?
And don't forget the pictures for my wife.
Thanks!
Harry
Posted by calculatoronfire at July 18, 2005 12:08 PM
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