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June 09, 2005
Keep Your Clothes On!
My parents bought a house not long after I was born. It was going to be their place to raise a family. Complete with a fenced off back yard where they could let the brood run naked.
Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to grow up frolicking naked; one of the neighbors had a daughter that was "going through puberty" at the time and they claimed she would be severely traumatized at the sight of a naked male, albeit a naked toddler. So, aside from a non-parentally sanctioned naked dash into the street on occassion, I was forced to remain clothed when outside.
The old woman that lived up stairs had something to do with my growing up under the impression fully clothed was my natural state.
When my parents bought their house they did so under the impression the old woman that lived on the second floor would move out. But she refused. She was probably in her nineties, and, from pictures I've seen the woman sitting to a couple bratty little boys with bowl cuts (me and my brother. Or so my parents claim), very frail.
Given her age, her precarious hold on life and the fact that she simply refused to leave my parents let her stay. So the bleeding hearts let the old woman take up half their house, crammed their two children and all their belongings into the bottom half and waited for the woman to die.
They waited three or four years until the woman upstairs finally decided to give them back the second half of their house. I'm not sure who cleaned out all her belongings, maybe my parents had to do that. What I do know is that my brother and I used the vacated upstairs as our place house.
All the rooms were empty except for the smell of old people -- Bengay, diapers, or something -- and we entertained all the neighborhood kids there while our parents debated what do with their house that suddenly doubled in size.
I remember on one specific day all the boys in the neighborhood came over. Every single one of them. Boys neither of us knew. The upstairs was overrun with boys -- and only boys -- six and under.
After a lot of running around we finally gathered in the largest room on the floor. We made a circle on the floor previously holding the bed the old woman had died in and we all sat down. It wasn't anything organized, we just sort of ended up in a circle talking, and enjoying our space.
Then one of the neighbor boys pulled out his penis. "Look."
Of course we all looked, but I immediately looked away. I didn't want to look at his "privates." The other boys didn't seem to have a problem with it, though. Maybe they were allowed to run around their back yards naked. I don't know.
I just know someone else pulled their thing out. Then another.
Then started the cajoling. "Come on. I showed you mine. You have to show me yours."
That convinced a couple more to do the same. Then it was just down to the more prudish of us. My brother and I were among them.
"Let's see yours."
I looked to my older brother for guidance. If he would I would.
"OK." The peer pressure got to him. He gave in. He started to unzip. I followed suit. I didn't want to be the only one in the circle without his penis dangling out in front of pants.
I unzipped myself, but before I could pull the thing out my dad appeared in the doorway.
"What the hell are you boys doing?"
We all looked up surprised and sheepish at the sound of an adult's voice.
"Put those things back in your pants."
He stopped for a second as we all stuffed everything back in.
"And don't pull your dick out again until you get a girlfriend."
Posted by calculatoronfire at June 9, 2005 06:33 PM
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Comments
The suspense is boiling. I have 2 questions both of which are completely not related to the other. (I am a Liar)
1. Was the boyish display of manhood an expression to the unknown elderly lady, whose mere presence deprived you of running naked through the gardens?
2. Being so chastised by the clothing of your youth; Did you take your fathers advice and then unsheathe the sword to naked eyes of your first girlfriend?
Posted by: at June 10, 2005 05:03 PM
The old lady was dead. She died in her bed and we threw everything out the window. Then the neighborhood boys and I showed off our stuff.
My first girlfriend wanted to play mind games with me. So no, I didn't show her the junk.
Every time I tried she'd give me riddles about fat guys and umbrellas or some shit like that.
Posted by: brian at June 14, 2005 10:24 PM