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November 09, 2004
How I held Up Reagan
I was flying out of Reagan International Airport about a year ago. It was in pretty tight lock down because of its close proximity to the White House, the Capitol, Fox News, the Pentagon, the World Bank, The Pentagon Row Mall, the IMF, etc., so my friend and I figured it would be best to arrive early to be sure to get through security and still catch the plane.
The line wasn't as long as thought, and we got through rather quickly. We ate an overpriced meal and still had plenty of time to spare. So we bought some overpriced film. Still had time. I tried on every pair of overpriced sunglasses at the sunglasses stand. Still more time. So we hit the bar. I had a huge overpriced 32 oz beer and some overpriced whiskey and then came boarding time.
I had to pee. I was thinking about going straight back to the bathroom, but I just took my seat. After all, I could just go once we got to flying altitude.
Then the pilot came on, "Ladies and gentlemen, under federal law you are not allowed to leave your seat during taxiing or for the first half hour of flight."
I thought about dashing to the bathroom right then, but I mistakenly took this to mean we were about to take off.
I waited, but we didn't move. I had to pee worse, but I thought we were even closer to taking off, so I winced and shifted and held it in. Ten minutes or more passed.
Then the pilot came over the intercom again, "Ladies and gentlement, we appreciate your patience. Just to let you know we're waiting in line to take off. So the problem is ahead of us, and we'll be taking off as soon as they give us the green light."
He came on to tell us we'll have to wait. This is my chance!
I unbuckled and darted down the aisle. The flight attendants trying to stop me never had a chance. They yelled to me, "Sir, you have to be seated." but I kept going.
One blocked my way by the lavatory door. "Sir..."
"Look. I have to go. If I didn't have to do you think I'd be down here?"
She sighed and moved out of the way, then said, "Fine. But make it quick."
No sooner than I had opened my fly the pilot came over the intercom and announced, "They've given us a green light, but we need to have everyone seated in order to begin taxiing. Apparently there is one person that needs to take his seat."
As I hurried back to my seat all eyes were on me. I buckled in and the pilot annouced, "Now we can go."
I've never gotten so much attention for urinating, but I guess we all have our 15 minutes of fame.
Posted by calculatoronfire at November 9, 2004 09:28 PM