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November 12, 2004
Things in the Dirt
I wrote my name in my carpet yesterday. Well, not really in my carpet, in the dust on the carpet. (I'm in the middle of remodeling, so this dust is not a sign of my slovenliness, but of my insisting on doing it myself.)
The ability to write my name in the dust with my foot made me decide to get rid of the old dust and make room for the new, after all the old dust wasn't really doing anything for me. Was it giving me winning lottery numbers? Was it drawing ladies over by the dozen? By the single? No. Of course not.
I pulled out the vacuum cleaner and gave my carpet a cleaning like it hadn't ever had one. When I angled to get that last spot and the thing exploded.
I'm not sure what happened mechanically or why the parts did what they did, all I know is there was a loud bang and then the top of the vacuum literaly flew off. The bag (full of dirt) ripped open spilling its contents on the floor producing a huge mushroom cloud of dust.
Luckily I had another vacuum (An industial, gagillion horse power shop vac I call Sweetie. That thing can suck vacuum like nobody's business.) and was able to clean things up pretty well.
The same can't be said about the outside of my house. When I left for work this morning the garbage pile across the street was larger than the day before. It spread farther out into the street, blocking off one lane of traffic, and grew a little bigger along the street: an old lawn mower, a coffee table, etc added to the pile.
On Wednesday when I came home from work I had to park next to the growing pile of trash. As I got out of my car some of the neighborhood boys were running around chasing each other, laughing and screaming, but they stopped when they saw me.
There were four of them, ages 11 to 14. One of them had something in his hand. He was the one chasing the rest around. "Hey Mr Brian. Look at this."
Where did you get that?
Over there.
Over there, in that pile?
Yeah. In that pile. Do you know what it is?
Umm. Yeah. I know what it is, but you're the one holding it. Do you know what it is?
One of the older boys answered. "Yeah. It's a vagina sticker."
A what?
A vagina sticker.
Ok. So you know what people do with it. Why are you chasing each other around with some stranger's used vibrator?
No, it's just the gel part, we threw away the hard part with the batteries.
Posted by calculatoronfire at November 12, 2004 09:26 PM