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November 17, 2004
Stoop Night
I used to work with this guy that was a couple years older than me. We hung out outside of work and on one specific occassion my friend's girlfriend insulted him. I didn't think it was an insult, and neither did the alleged insulter, but he claimed to be insulted.
She simply said that she couldn't picture him at a rave.
He took it as a personal attack about his age and lack of "cool." So he demanded we all go some place he could show off his dancing skills. I didn't know where to go, since I don't dance. (I'm no John Ashcroft, I just don't do it), in fact only the offended guy and the offending girl knew where to go, and they bickered about it for several minutes.
Finally they settled things and dragged the rest of us out to some clubby type place. Most of us stood around drinking while a few went out to dance. The offended guy was dancing up a storm. He pulled out all the stops and the fake ball or something. Yeah, he was pretending to dance with a ball until suddenly he threw his back out.
It was pretty noticable, but he tried to play it off as a new dance move that could earn him "I guess I could see you at a rave" status, whatever that meant. He then slowly danced his way off the floor and over to a phone to call his wife to pick him up.
He was married. That's why I don't understand why when we went out he was always hitting on women. Especially at parties.
I brought him to a party and he chased a couple girls around all night. They kept running away from him, but he kept at it. I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to the ladies and all, but I saw things there. They tried everything short of "Get the hell away from me."
A couple female friends pulled me aside and asked me about the creepy guy I brought. Wasn't he married? Why would I bring such a creepy guy? Would he ever leave her alone?
The next time I was invited to a party at the same house I was specifically told not to bring the creepy guy. Luckily, I found an even more creepy guy. Miles.
Miles was my neighbor's half brother and really wanted to hang out with me before he went home to North Carolina or where ever it was he lived and stored his library of home movies. Yeah, you know the kind I'm talking about.
I went down to Cincinnati with Miles and my neighbor and Miles talked almost the entire time about filming first person pornos. He was a real sleazy looking guy, so I don't know how he found his co-stars, but he did. Apparently enough of them to fill a cabinet in his trailer in NC.
If he wasn't talking about filming the pornos he was talking about having sex with his step sister. How great it was, right in front of his step brother, her brother.
Hanging out in Cincinnati we stopped at a bar on the river. It was pretty empty, so the bartender stayed to chat with us much of the time. She told us about how much fun she had with, and how deeply in love she was with her new husband.
Miles took this to mean that he had a very good shot with her. That was what he talked about on the way home.
I decided he was perfect for the party I was going to that night.
Miles burst into the house behind me and quickly made the rounds, asking every woman to do body shots with him. A few were disgusted, others were concerned that it was only Tuesday. No body shots for Miles.
He moved on to talk of movies. He was looking for a co-star. When he was again turned down by every one of the dwindling number of ladies he came up to me and told me he wanted to leave. "This party sucks."
I said, "Miles this is a more refined crowd. Pick one girl and work on her."
He did, for as long as his attention span allowed, and I was again pulled to the side. Who is this creepy guy? He just told me about having sex with his sister. Can you get him to leave?
I thought it best, now that my reputation as the guy that brings creepy guys was solidly locked, to take him away.
As I escorted him out he announced we were hitting a strip club and asked if anyone wanted to come with. We didn't go to any strip club and Miles decided I was a loser. He didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
He left to NC soon after.
I still search for creepy folks to bring to parties.
I will be having a party of sorts rather soon and anyone and everyone is invited to come and to bring their creepiest friends.
Stoop Night. We'll be drinking forties on the stoop. And since a majority of my neighbors will be coming by begging for a sip, there'll already be plenty of creepy people, a few more wouldn't hurt.
Posted by calculatoronfire at November 17, 2004 09:15 PM