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November 18, 2004
Gifts Gifts Gifts
I came home from work and to my surprise buried amongst the credit card preapproval letters and flyers for stores I will never in my life shop in I found actual mail. Actually a package.
I thought about it for a second and couldn't figure out why I would have gotten a package. I didn't remember ordering anything since I ordered the Color Flash Holga, which I got last week. I took a look at the package and the stamps alerted me to the fact that it came from overseas. That's when I knew who sent it, but I still didn't know what it was. I excitedly ripped the package open and found the best postal-sent surprise since I got the dollar off on adult diapers coupon (if only I had occassion to use an adult diaper). I couldn't wait to get it(i.e. the surprise in my surprise package) in my mouth, but I held off.
Instead I went out to take my dogs for a walk.
I went out into the back yard where I was greeted by my excited dogs and my neighbor on the other side of the fence. She attempted to invite me to a Thanksgiving dinner, but I deftly avoid an actual invite, which I would have accepted while wishing I could figure a way to turn her down. But still she insisted I take a bowl of home cooked beef vegetable soup she cooked up early that day.
After I ate the surprisingly unbad soup I finally got around to taking my dogs for a walk. I got the the mouth of the alley with them when I saw someone digging in a mailbox across the street. Not only had I never seen the guy before, but he went about the task in a odd, and therefore suspicious, manner. So I slowed and watched.
Then he yelled something to me. I stopped and he yelled again, this time I was able to understand what he was yelling. It was the tried and true, "are you walking them or are they walking you." Ha Ha. Funny.
I've found that the best reponse to this is a reply (lest it be repeated) of something unintelligible. "Blah blah walk grumble." Their response, and usually the final volley, is a huge chuckle.
This time, however, he followed up. "That's a border collie, right."
No, she's half greater swiss mountain dog.
Oh. And border collie, right?
He hurried across the street to me and held out his fist saying his name was Troy. I got the impression he wanted me to touch his fist with mine, so I did. I mistakenly made contact. To me it was humoring this man. To him it was bonding.
He went on and on about how smart his dogs were(from childhood to present) and how he was watching his friend's lab. 90% lab, anyway.
Then he begged me to go see his puppies. He wanted me to take one of his puppies.
No, thanks.
It's free, no problem. Come see. I live right here.
He walked me around into the alley. I found he had a dog, but no puppies. He tried to give me a puppy some months in advance of their actual appearance. Then his pregnant dog tried attacking my dogs.
He ushered the dog inside and I tried to hurry away. He caught up with me and told me he worked two jobs, he was a mechanic. He liked the G Gordon Libby radio show. He was born at Johns Hopkins. He was the youngest of 8. The next youngest lived in Columbus, Ohio. Maybe. etc. All inside of the 5 minutes I spent trying to get my dogs to stop smelling things so we could get around him.
I did finally get away and spent an uneventful night waiting to use the surprise I got in the mail.
Finally, before I went to bed (again in a real bed, with a mattress and everything) I pulled out the gum massaging toothbrush, and spent several joyous minutes massaging my gums.
Posted by calculatoronfire at November 18, 2004 09:14 PM