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February 15, 2005
My New Roommate
I walked into my room. I twas my room. Nobody else was there. I got to pick the bed. Let me see -- if I stumble in after a party And I am going to party I'll probably stumble this way. I picked the one on the right.
My dorm room was about 10'x12'. It had a window that opened and looked straight into the window of another dorm, albeit 30 feet away. The room had grey concrete block walls and what looked to me like a prison cot for a bed, but it was mine. And I got there first, so I could set up things the way I wanted them. I didn't know who my roommate was so I didn't really care. I was there first. I was a fixture as far as he'd be concerned.
Besides, I did know that he was a freshman. That meant he'd be away from home for the first time. He wouldn't know what to think, and I was in charge. I plugged in my phone and put my message on the answering machine. It was my room, he'd just be living there.
I unpacked my stuff and set up my stereo. The room wasn't big enough for two stereos. I guess if the kid brings his own he'll have to have mommy and daddy take it back with them. Then I went out to meet the rest of the people in the dorm. They were almost all supposed to be freshman. We had to show up for orientation a week earlier than everyone else. The rest of the students had to get special permission to come this early.
I walked down the hall and only found one room open. Inside a nerdy-looking guy sat in an undershirt and his tighty whiteys in front of his computer. I think his roommate accidently left the door open when he was going to the bathroom or something. I pretended I didn't see him and walked on. That was the last of the open doors.
I know I saw people moving in, where are they now?
I was on the third floor and walked down to the second floor to see if anyone was there. The second floor was decorated. Every door had a piece of greem computer hardware with the occupants name on it affixed to the door. I had no idea what any of the pieces were, or why they were there. My floor had everyone's names written on Pacman characters drawn on construction paper. I understood that even though I had only played Pacman once or twice. Why is there computer hardware on the doors? Then it came to me. Even though I was an architecture major -- This is an engineering school. This is cool here.
That dorky guy. That's normal. No. It can't be normal. It can't be. Then I thought back to my short visit the previous school year. I couldn't tell. I was drawing a blank. All I remembered was that a girl had shown me around. I thought it was going to be all guys, but a girl showed my group around. But we were all male. And the other guys looked pretty dorky. She never took us into the guys dorms, only into the girls'. Damn their trickery! I was a seventeen year old male invited into an all female dorm. I was overwhelmed. they make movies about this sort of thing and I was supposed to judge a school based on that? can men really perform rational thought in such situations? I was overwhelmed. I don't remember if the girls looked cool or not.
I went down to the cafateria for lunch. I sat next at the table with the guy with the pierced lip and the kilt. He was overdoing it a little, but I felt it was better to err on the side of caution. There were a couple other guys sitting at the table and they were all talking about going out somewhere that night. A party or something. "What are you guys doing tonight?" I asked.
"We're going to the frats. It's their rush week or something."
"Oh." I felt dissappointed. I wanted to stay as far away as possible from anything that had anything to do with frat boys. Not only did I not like their attitudes, or the concept of buying friends, but they always wanted to beat me up.
"You wanna hang out with us? We're all going together."
"No thanks. I don't want to join a frat."
"Who said anything about joining? We're just going to let them get us fucked up."
"They're going to try to get us to join though."
"I'll hang out for a few minutes as long as they give me some beer. Then I'm taking off. I don't want to join their little club either."
We'll get along just fine "Sure then. What time?"
I went back to my room and found that my roommate had arrived. To my surprise he wasn't a 17 or eighteen year old kid, but someone much older. "Hi. I'm Matt. I'm your roommate."
Holy shit! This guy is my roommate? He's like twice my age. "You're my roommate? They said you were a freshman."
"Yeah, well I took the long road to college."
"Oh. So you are a freshman then."
"Yeah. I've just been hanging out in and out of rehab for the last ten years or so and I finally pulled my shit together. So here I am. You're an architecture major too, right?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. So we'll have class together then too. -- Did you have to get some of these funky shaped sheets too?"
"Umm. Yeah."
I figured that even though my roommate was an old man I'd invite him out to hit up the frats for alcohol with me and the other guys.
"No, thanks. I'm a recovering alcoholic."
"Oh. I thought you said you were out of rehab."
"Ha. As they say, 'Once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic.' I'm an AA grad though. And an NA grad too."
"NA?"
"Narcotics anonymous."
"Ok."
"Yeah, so I'll be home a lot."
I went out with my new friends and we found the liquor. I don't remember who gave it to us, but we drank it. A lot of it, then hit random frats up for food before slipping out the doors to avoid being harangued about the beauty of frat life. When I got back to my room my roommate was sitting on his bed in his underwear. "Where have you been young man?" he yelled at me.
"What?"
"I said where have you been? It's late."
"Are you serious?"
"Just kidding. I thought I'd make you feel more at home." he said as he hurried out the door.
I sat on my bed desperately trying to read the orientation handbook through my double vision when he came back into the room and slipped into his bed. "What are you reading?"
"I'm trying to figure out what I have to do tomorrow."
"You don't need to go to that shit."
"I know," I said as I looked up at him an noticed fresh dark blue spots on his light blue sheets. "I'm just checking." That sounded natural, right? He won't notice that I just saw the cum stains on his sheets.
He looked down at his sheets and noticed the bright blue on the sheets he just unpacked a few hours earlier. He quickly pulled the offending area behind him, so I wouldn't notice. I saw it all. But I let it slide. After all, it was the first time. But, God, couldn't he wait a little before jerking off?
Apparently not. True to his word he rarely left the room, and every time I walked into the room -morning, noon or night - he was either masturbating or had just finished masturbating, as evidenced by the fresh stains on his sheets. Every day that is until I moved out two weeks later.
Posted by calculatoronfire at February 15, 2005 08:49 PM
Comments
that's akward - you should have bought him some tissues.
Posted by: liveinlove at February 17, 2005 10:25 AM
or some porn
Posted by: chris at February 17, 2005 04:45 PM
It was awkward. I moved out after just a few short weeks. I don't think I ever saw him again - the thirty+ year old man living and compulsively masturbating in the dorms surrounded by 18 year old kids.
Later I met a girl that dated his neighbor. I guess he was my neighbor for a while too. She told the masturbator that she met me and he said, "Oh, Brian? I think I scared him off with my compulsive masturbation."
Posted by: brian at February 20, 2005 02:25 PM
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Posted by: Roommate Search at June 16, 2005 07:31 AM