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January 27, 2005
For Tension, Guess What I Use
I tutor twice a week at the Hampden Family Center. That makes me seem like a huge dork to the girl I tutor. I know this because she tells me just about every time I show up to help her with her homework -- homework she rarely brings with her. A typical exchange of ours goes something like this, "You're a dork. Aren't you?"
"No."
"Yeah, right. You're here instead of hanging out. And look at those clothes you wear; they are definitely not cool."
"Yeah, probably not, but I don't care."
"See. You're a loser."
"OK. Are you going to do your homework?"
"I didn't bring it with me."
Yesterday, however, she actually brought homework. She pulled out a worksheet covered with basic algebraic equations. Wow. She's going to work. I'm going to actually tutor. I asked if she knew how to do the first problem. "No."
"OK. You want to get 'c' by itself."
"Shut up."
"What?"
"Shut up. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to do the ones I know how to do."
"But I can help you so you know how to do all of them."
"Whatever. I'm going to do the ones I know how to do and I'll ask my teacher how to do the rest."
"But you could just ask me. That's pretty much what I'm here for."
"Shut up."
This went on for a little while before I resigned myself to the fact she didn't want my help. I sat by and watched her do her homework. I corrected her when she wrote that if 66-33=x then x=99, but otherwise I pretty much sat silent.
When she finished the problems she knew how to do she started packing up. She was done. "Wait. I'll show you how to do those other ones since we're both here."
She got the first one fine. I think it was a fluke, because the second problem that was almost exactly the same stumped her. "Just do the same thing you did for the last problem."
"I'm not doing it. I don't know how."
"OK. I'll explain it."
I tried to break things down to her. 8/8 =1. 1xZ=Z. "So you just divide..."
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"..."
"Because maybe if you got some you'd be a little bit more relaxed and you'd shut up."
She's 14 and she thinks sex is a great way to relieve tension. When I was 14 sex did not relieve tension. It was the source of virtually all tension in my life. I hope I get some today. Is that girl looking at me? Will she have sex with me?
Apparently sex still plays a central role in my life. Not in a normal way, in a perverted way. I was at going away shindig for Sarah complete with jalapeño poppers last night when Jessica told me again I was a pervert. That everything I talk about is perverted.
God. All I did was tell a story about dipping my genitals into a glass of milk after someone poured hot sauce all over them.
Title lifted from "For Tension" by Superchunk because I already used up my one original thought.
Posted by calculatoronfire at January 27, 2005 01:31 PM