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January 25, 2005
"Blizzard" Weekend 2
This past weekend's snowfall projection was declining throughout the week prior. Rumor was the forecast was for 2 feet. Then 12-18 inches. By Friday night the forecast was for 8-12 inches. Still that was enough. I envisioned myself sledding at top speed down a huge hill. Then, after a full day of sledding going home for a huge mug, or if not a huge mug then at least my favorite mug with "ED WACKER" printed on the side, of hot chocolate. Or maybe whiskey. Or maybe just beer, but I thought that might get old since I'd probably bring a bunch with me sledding.
That vision was downgraded when I realized there were no monsterous hills anywhere near my house. The revised version had me sledding for a good part of the weekend on a hill, most likely at Patterson Park. But I didn't have a sled.
So I looked for one Friday on my way home from work. I found nothing. But I really wasn't worried, there was no hint of snowfall. The snow wasn't projected to start falling until Saturday morning, so I figured I could just go to the store before it got too bad and pick up a sled. I heard a rumor the dollar store in the strip mall housing Santoni's sold sleds so I wouldn't even have to drive anywhere.
So, first thing in the morning I'd pick up a sled and then I'd be able to sled all day.
What a romantic vision I had.
I woke about 3pm. Not only was the snow well underway, but that left me with about an hour and a half of sunlight. I hurried out of my house, past the neighborhood kids sledding on the hill where my neighbor takes her dogs out to shit and fails to clean up. I won't be sledding on that hill. I walked as quickly as possible through the snow down to the strip mall only to find the dollar store didn't sell sleds. I know they sold sleds last year. That's what Noah told me. Noah is my now 6 year old neighbor. He had to get a new sled after I sat on his old one and cracked it in half. I'd have to drive somewhere to get a sled.
I got Emma to come with me. I figured I have a truck, I wouldn't get stuck in what, 3 inches of snow? Besides the sled I planned on picking up a couple hundred pounds of sand to throw in the bed so that I would have better traction. Then I'll never get stuck in the snow.
We got about a block from my house before getting stuck.
There is a bridge over some railroad tracks just around the corner from my house. I never amde it over the incline. The truck just stopped, not even a thrid of the way up, and spun its tires. I tried a couple different things to get it to move again -- as much as I could do without leaving the truck. I turned up the heat. I turned up the radio. To no avail.
Every time I stepped on the gas the tires simply spun. I tried rocking the car back and forth. Moving backward was not a problem, but going forward -- the truck and I had differing ideas about what distance was considered "forward progress" so I decided I would try to get the truck turned around. then we could either go home or find a better plowed route.
I watched a couple cars come past. Then I looked in my rear view mirror to find a snow plow. If we just left 5 minutes later -- The plow passed us pushing a mound of snow in our direction. I tried to get the truck in the plowed section of the road. The truck said "no." Perhaps because it couldn't cross the newly formed mound of snow, but I think because it was mad at me. It was, by all reports, a good weekend for cuddling, and I took the truck from its parking spot where it was cuddling with my neighbors' cute little VW.
We continued going nowhere when the plow appeared over the crest of the bridge from the opposite direction. It slowed when it saw my little truck still spinning its tires part way up the incline. "Stay there, we'll come around." the driver yelled out the window as he stopped next to my truck. Woah. Is he going to give me a ticket for blocking a plow? Can he give tickets? Go. Come on, truck. We started to move. I wanted us to start to move.
I don't think we actually moved.
Maybe they're going to help. Do city employees offer to help? No way. Not the cashiers at city hall. They sit there for 5 minutes without acknowledging your presence when you go to pay the absurd fines the city gives. Ahh. But these are snow plow drivers. A totally different breed. Maybe they actually help. That'd be excellent.
The plow stopped behind the truck and two guys jumped out. The three of us pushed while Emma drove. Actually Emma drove while the three of us tried our hardest to stay upright behind the truck. We weren't as much effective at pushing it up the hill as we were at using our bodies to keep it from rolling backward. After about 15 minutes of pushing (and me occassionally walking up to the cab to draw fanged smiley faces on the window) we crested the hill.
I thanked the guys and they turned around toward the newly stuck truck between them and their plow.
I went up to the cab and challenged Emma to a race down the hill. "I'll race you down."
It was slippery even at the apex so she had trouble gaining speed while I had no trouble at all. But my idea was not to run down the hill. I was going to run, jump and slide down the hill on my belly.
I got the run and jump part down, but instead of sliding down on my belly I performed more of a belly flop. I knocked my wind out and returned to the truck gasping for breath.
Then we got stuck again. And again.
After twenty more minutes we made it two blocks to Eastern Ave. The going was quicker there. We were moving forward most of the time. It took only 5 minutes to get the five blocks or so to the local home improvement superwarehouse. There I planned to buy a shovel, several bags of sand and a sled. They had everything but a sled.
"Where can we get a sled?"
"The East Point Mall, maybe."
"I've never been there. I don't think I've been to any mall since I've moved here. What stores do they have there?"
"Umm. Sears might have one."
"Yeah. Ok."
We went down to the mall which less than ten cars in the parking lot. As soon as we got inside we noticed no store was open. "Shit. Nothing's open."
"Something's got to be open."
"It doesn't look like it. Look even the airbrush stand is closed. I think I need my name airbrushed on a license plate for my truck. Remind me to come back here."
"Yeah. That'd be pretty nice."
"Hey. Sears is open."
"Are you sure?" There were about six employees standing in the doorway. They looked as if they were about to lower the fence-like mall door.
"Let's try. They're sure to have a sled."
We made it in between all the employees, not on acknowledging our presence. "Yes! We made it." then we began our search for a sled.
To our consternation they had no sleds. "No sleds?"
"No."
"But this is Sears."
"Yeah."
"Does any place around here have sleds?"
"The mall closed at 4pm. Maybe Wal-Mart."
As evil as I believe Wal-Mart is I threw my values to the wind -- we needed a sled. "If that dollar store outside doesn't have sleds we'll go to Wal-mart."
"OK. Let's go."
That was easier said than done. The mall did indeed close at 4 and the entrance to Sears closed as well. There seemed to be no way out. We wandered the store, ignored by all the employees and security guards. "Hey! Hey, you! Hey! How do we get out of here?" The sent us out the back door. We had to pass all the broken, returned merchandise to get to the exit next to the dumpster and piles of carboard boxes.
"Cardboard boxes! Watch this."
Emma and I crafted sleds out of carboard torn from the bails bundled for recycling. Mine was the larger of the two. It was approximately 12x18 inches. Let's go down the hill.
I jumped on my sled and went head first. Instead of moving it sunk into the snow. Emma got about halfway down the hill.
On my second try I made it down the 8 foot incline. "These sleds suck. Let's go get some real ones."
Posted by calculatoronfire at January 25, 2005 12:52 PM
Comments
When I was a kid we used cookie sheets and baking pans as sleds, it works really well. Especially if you spray some pam on the bottom.
Posted by: chris at January 25, 2005 01:37 PM
As a kid I used to have one of those old school sled Norman Rockwell always drew.
The wood and metal ones that looked they would slice off someone's hand if they were stupid enough to get in the way of me and my 300 pound sled.
It sucked. Maybe I should have sprayed some Pam on it. I don't think it would have helped though.
Posted by: brian at January 25, 2005 02:29 PM