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January 20, 2005
He Always Makes the PITS More Fun?
"Sweet! Look who's here."
"The squawking guy?"
"Yep."
Going to the PITS is always more fun when the bankrupt millionaire male prostitute hitman that squawks like a bird is there.
Last night he was. He was actually the only customer besides Emma, Daniel, Rachel and me (you can't count Alfredo, Gene the bartender's boyfriend, who sits and plays the porno picture match thing all night, because he doesn't buy any drinks).
When we all arrived he moved from the video poker machine to the bar and started up in his gravelly drunken voice, "I'd watch out if I were you. I heard this was a gay bar."
"Oh, yeah?"
"That's what I heard."
"Inside voice, John. Use your inside voice or I'll have to send you home." Gene the bartender chastized John.
"Gene. I heard this is a gay bar. Is this a gay bar?"
"Ever since you walked in."
John is in the PITS just about every time I go. He's sort of a fixture. A fixture that gets drunk and yells about how he wants to have sex with everyone in the room or complains that there are too many straight people in the bar. "I've never been to a gay bar before. Is this a gay bar?"
"You never been to a gay bar before?" I was humoring him. The guy is gay and about 65 years old. He's obviously been to a gay bar before.
"Nope. Never."
"No. He's just lived in them all." Gene added.
"No, I haven't. I'm not gay -- you're not gay if you don't kiss 'em."
"I thought it was, 'you're not gay if you don't like it.'" They both seemed to like that one.
Daniel leaned over to me and asked the loud guy next to me was the bankrupt millionaire male prostitute hitman. "Yep."
"I want to get him to talk about being a hitman."
"Careful, man. He doesn't have an off button."
"Why are you two getting so close over there? You're not gay." It's true, we aren't, but Daniel decided to pretend we were. He rubbed my back for a second or two. BMMPH saw, "I hate gays. They're not human. they're worse than cross dressers."
"John, you were a drag queen, weren't you? Or was it just your brother?" - Gene
"I wasn't a cross dresser. I just did it sometimes."
"You're brother was a drag queen though, wasn't he?"
"No. He wasn't a drag queen, he was a transgender individual."
The two told us about John's brother.
The brother was born a man but had a sex change and after the sex change dressed as a man.
Then John told us about his brother's murder. His death was called a hate crime. Six guys attacked him then shot him in the head.
Then John sacastically yelled out, "Killing a fag is not a crime in the State of Maryland."
"I can second that." Gene said. Then he told us about a guy he knew who dressed in drag at a Latin bar. When the guys found out he was a man they beat him to death, cut off two of his finger and his penis and shoved the penis in his mouth. He was found still dressed in drag with hi penis in his mouth floating in the Patapsco River. The Arundel County police ruled it an "accidental drowning."
I was relieved when the topic was changed to John's failing electronics store.
Posted by calculatoronfire at January 20, 2005 03:24 PM