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December 17, 2004

My Glock Proposition

"Hey, Brian. This is Tommy from Clay Man. I'm just calling you about the show. Give me a call back at 773 blah blah blah."

"Who's that?"
"I have no idea."
"He called for you. What's Clay Man?"
"Dude. I said I have no idea."

Allen came into the dorm room Frank and I shared.

"Play it again, Frank."

"No, I still don't know who that is."
"That's the guy we met last week at the bar in Lincoln Park."
"What? ... Oh, shit that cover band? What did they play?"
"He said they did Creed and Stone Temple Pilots covers and stuff like that."
"Oh, yeah. I was fucking with him. Who wants to see some dumbass Creed cover band?"

BACKSTORY

It was a friday night, Allen and I got his roommate, a grad student, to buy us liquor. We each had a six pack, a bottle of some liquor or another and a bottle of peach schnapps. We finished our six packs and part of the bottle of liquor when we decided we needed to find a party. There were none at our little engineering school, so we grabbed the schnapps and caught the L to the north side of town.
There are lots of bigger schools up that way - Loyola, DePaul, Northwestern - we thought. One of them has to have a party.
We got off at a stop we thought was close to DePaul and drunk and excitedly headed to find a party to crash. Unfortunately we headed away from the campus. We found no parties, nothing that resembled a school. When we finally found a girl walking on the street we called out to her, "Hey, come here."
She picked up her pace in the opposite direction. "We just want to talk to you." She sped up again.
"Do you want some peach schnapps?" She stopped.
She was going to see her friend's band at a bar near Lincoln Park; we were welcome to come along. The three of us shared the bottle on our walk to the bar that ended up closed by the time we showed up.
"No problem. They know me here." They did. They let us in and the three of us asked for drinks. She got one. Allen and I stood empty handed at the bar.
"How come you got one?" She told the bartender to give us each a beer. The three of us took our beers into another room where a band was tearing down their equipment.
"Sara. You missed the show. What's up with that?"
"I got lost on the way, but I found these guys and we've been drinking peach schnapps."
"Hi guys."
"Hey. Sorry we missed your band. What sort of stuff do you play?"
"We do covers. A lot of Creed and Stone Temple Pilots, some Aerosmith, that sort of stuff."
"Cool."
"Yeah, we get a lot of gigs, we're getting pretty big."
"I bet! That sound is awesome. I'm really sorry I missed hearing you play. I would have like to have seen it."
"Yeah, we play a real tight set. Sometimes we throw in some older stuff if we get requests."
"Do you know any Foreigner?"
"Yeah, but we're more into the heavy stuff."
"Dude. This is awesome. Your band sounds amazing. Here, I book shows for a bar on the near south side. You should give me a call."
I wrote my number on a piece of paper and gave it to him. I wrote my number on a piece of paper? I meant to give him a fake number. I want nothing to do with a Creed cover band. I guess I was a little drunk.

Allen and I headed back home, but being unfamiliar with the area couldn't exactly find our way back to the L stop. We gave up and asked a cabbie that for some reason pulled up right next to us. "Hey! You drive a cab. Do you know how to get to the L from here."
"Yes, right there."
"What? Where?"
"Those train tracks 30 feet in the air."
"Oh. Did you see them? I didn't see them. We should have looked for the tracks."

"Ok. 5.25."
"What? You took us like two blocks."
"We thought it was free."
"No. No Free.You say drive me to the L."
"No, we didn't."
"I don't have any money." - Allen.
"Shit! My wallet's gone. Someone stole my wallet." - Brian
"No you have wallet."
"No, I swear to god, It's gone. Someone stole it."
"Fine. Fine. No Problem. Go. Thank me."
"Yeah. Thanks."

"Are you really out of cash?"
"Yeah."
"I've got you them. But you owe me. I'm no cabbie giving free rides, alright?"

On the way back home we ran into a bum. There are a lot of bums that ride the subway all night in Chicago. The trains are heated and they are relatively safe. "Do you have any change?"
"No."
"I just got out of prison this morning and I just need a couple bucks to get me back on my feet. Look here are my discharge papers." I guess he thought that by telling us he was a criminal we were more likely to give him money, maybe more likely to believe he'd put it to good use.
"Why don't you sell that fishing pole you have there. I bet you could get a few bucks for that."
"This is what I use to get my food. I can't go without it. Can I have a cigarette?" Allen gave him a cigarette.

The train was stopped, about ready to go. "Shit. This is our stop! Let's go." I ran out the door. Allen followed. The bum with the fishing pole followed him.
It wasn't the right stop. We were over 2 miles from home withour friend that wanted our money. We decided to wait for the next train. Allen and our new friend shared the last cigarette while I tried to cast out and catch the thrid rail with the fishing pole.
"Do you want a 9mm Glock?"
"You want to sell me a gun?"
"Yeah. $50."
"Let's see it."
"Not here. I don't want to go back to jail. Just feel it through my coat."
"Brian, feel this. Wanna buy a Glock?"
"Hell yeah."
"$50."
"I'll give you twenty."
"$40."

Our train came; we all got on.
"You want it or not?"
The next stop was ours. We all got off the train again.
"So you want it?"
"How do we know if it's real? We haven't seen it."
"You felt it. You know I can't show you here."

He wouldn't go out farther than the turnstyles. If he did he'd have to pay to go back in. We teased him from the other side of the turnstyles. "Maybe."
"Yes or no?"
"I haven't seen it. Come out and show us."

In the morning I woke up with a pocket full of fishing line.
Two weeks later Tommy called to try to get me to book his amazing cover band.

I never heard from the cabbie again.

Posted by calculatoronfire at December 17, 2004 03:27 PM

Comments

You should book them somewhere so we can have a full night of laughs and memories to the sounds of 90's rock!! I am game!

Posted by: jason at December 20, 2004 12:20 PM

He said they were had a lot of shows and really getting big. I bet they're impossible to book these days.
But, man, could I go for a Dead and Bloated cover every now and again.

Posted by: brian at December 20, 2004 01:01 PM