« Bars with My Mom | Main | Crazy Parents »
December 02, 2004
Ham Anyone?
Before work today I made myself a ham sandwich for breakfast and one to take for lunch.
I did the same yesterday, plus I ate one for dinner. Oh, and the day before. If my memory serves me right I did the same all weekend. I could be wrong though; I probably splurged a little over the weekend and threw an extra ham sandwich in the mix.
I've been eating ham sandwiches since Thanksgiving. Every meal since Thanksgiving. It occured to me last night when drinking beers with a friend. She ordered a non-ham sandwich and I was a little shocked upon seeing it. Sort of like someone that sees the sun for the first time in a week.
See, on Thanksgiving I made myself some soup with everything I had left in my house, and with it being a bird-eatin' day I added chicken livers. I found out chicken livers are disgusting and that dogs love (absolutely love) eating entire pots of soup with chicken livers in them.
That was early on in the day and later on I felt a little bit of a festivity void and I decided I should fill it with food as everyone else was doing. Plus I was hungry. So I went down to the grocery store to get some festive food, but it all seemed that cooking would be too time consuming. Everything except ham. So I bought a huge family sized ham because it was on sale and I seem to recall having heard of a "holiday ham."
Not wanting to waste any of the precious cheapo-ham I've been forcing myself to eat it for every meal. I don't know why I put myself through it.
The worst part is I don't really even like ham.
Posted by calculatoronfire at December 2, 2004 01:10 PM
Comments
Have you tried varying the route of administration? For example, throw some in a blender with pineapple slices and make a festive Hawaiian ham shake. Tasty!
By the way, if you get to the point that you are contemplating starvation vs. more ham, I have a slightly used egg pie that I'd be willing to donate to your cause.
Posted by: emma at December 2, 2004 01:41 PM
What the hell is egg pie? I once ate 72 eggs in about 3 weeks so the thought of an entire pie made of eggs is a bit nauseating.
Posted by: argyle at December 2, 2004 02:21 PM
Ham and egg pie! That's the ticket.
Honestly, I have no idea why some single person would buy an egg pie at Safeway last Thursday when he bought a family sized ham. Much less two pies.
I wonder how many eggs there are in an egg pie.
72 eggs in 3 weeks? That's my grandpa's routine. That and buying "grab bags" of used stuff at rummage sales.
Sorry Emma, I don't know that it will come to starvation. I have a fridge pretty full of other food. That's what makes this whole ham sandwich-eating thing even weirder.
Posted by: brian at December 2, 2004 02:55 PM
damn, I was kind of hoping you'd become emaciated and go to the hospital. Then I could put Sparks in your IV bag.
Posted by: emma at December 2, 2004 03:48 PM
Ahhhh! Sparks is like liquid crack (maybe we could call it wave or something like that because crack is crack because it is hard and crackable, right?).
So
Ahhhh! Sparks is like wave. I couldn't handle a wave IV. I'd be running around the hostpital all skinny and waved out, losing hair and teeth trying to bum change off the nurses and offering to sell boxes of roofing nails to the doctors. Ten bucks doc. Only ten bucks. Roofing nails, doc. But you could use them for a floor too.
ha ha. I love inside jokes that only I get. (I wouldn't say that if I was waved out at the hospital because all I could think of was where to score my next IV).
Besides, I administered my last dose of ham in a quite different way and now have to move on.
Posted by: brian at December 3, 2004 10:39 AM