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November 24, 2004
Getting Pulled Over in Front of My House
Last night I made plans to go out. In pubic.
As planned I did go out. And things, for the most part, went as planned. I got drunk, then my friend came to pick me up. We went out. Talking happened. Beers were consumed.
Things fell apart on the ride home. Not because she smacked me when I lunged at her with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. No. That never happened, so it wasn't that. It was that we were pulled over. She had one headlight out.
At an intersection we crossed paths with a police car, which, by the way, also had a headlight out. The same headlight. (I was tempted to throw out some Bible verses about casting stones, but I can't even recite biblical verses when I'm sober.) The officer in the car pulled us over and gave my friend a ticket. Or a repair order. Or something she (ie the officer) said she (ie my friend) could "just throw away."
When the cop went back to her car we parked. We didn't drive anywhere, just parallel parked right there. Then we went inside my house.
In my mind the police officer felt dumb.
Posted by calculatoronfire at November 24, 2004 11:46 AM
Comments
Your squadron is having some sort of event there so everyone was granted leave to go. I'm not going because I'm not part of your unit. And because I'm going to something else at another restaurant. Something about a christmas party.
I sure love commenting rather than e-mailing. Maybe, in the future, rather than post on my own site, I'll post entries in the comments of other people's sites. This way, I can virtually have a virtual presence. When someone asks me "do you have a website?" I can say "yeah. it's at..." and then rattle off a few huge URLs to get to someone's comments section.
And when they ask why I don't have my own site, I'll say "I can't afford it because my Baltimore City taxes are so high and because the roads are so poor, I spend the rest of my money on repairs."
Posted by: argyle at November 24, 2004 12:46 PM
Oh, it's something I'm supposed to go to? Then, no. I won't be going. The am in a quiet, subversive, passive-aggressive revolt against the man. Besides, if I'm supposed to do something there is a very low probability of my nakedness being accepted, as I believe it should be.
I refuse to go any place that will frown upon me running around completely naked (aside from socks. I have a hard time removing them in front of people. it is one of my big hangups). This is why I rarely leave the house, and when I do it is only to buy food (which I really only do because I can't stand the idea of a personal shopper, and because of the hideous Baltimore City taxes that are bleeding me, like you, dry, even though my house cost a tiny fraction of what an "average" American earns annually), and to go to work, which I really only do to facilite the aforementioned revolt.
Besides, to my knowledge no one invited me, aside from you, and you won't even be going.
Posted by: brian at November 24, 2004 01:35 PM
Only socks? Being naked except for the socks is common practice among male porn stars. Being naked except for obscenely high heels is a requirement for many female porn stars. Perhaps you have a natural tendency toward the making of adult films?
Posted by: argyle at November 24, 2004 02:13 PM
So I won't be attending the event either. Sorry, I thought I'd impose on the conversation over comments.
Oh, and I wanted to tell you my foolish cop story. Once, I was pulled over for tailgating a cop. He had to pull along side the road, let me pass, and then pull out behind me to pull me over. He wasn't amused. I wasn't amused. But my friends, they won't let me live it down.
I wish I could say that the officer felt dumb in that situation but I can't...
Posted by: Fate's Fool at November 24, 2004 02:13 PM
Funny. I had quite a conversation yesterday about my failure to have, as of now, made a "home movie" and my relative lack of marketable talent. I never put the two together until now.
As for unmarketable talents I know that I am pretty darn good at getting pulled over for infractions I don't think warrant a police officer's time to address. Still, never have I been pulled over for tailgating a police car.
I wouldn't let you live it down either.
Posted by: brian at November 24, 2004 03:15 PM
I was pulled over in downtown Indianapolis for doing 53 in a 45 in my girlfriend's car. Apparently the cop thought I was trying to make a run for it into the parking lot of a car wash, so he leaned out his window and screamed at me to stop the car, pronto. In the middle of three lanes. With bumper-to-bumper traffic going about 60 all around.
Upon approaching my car, he proceeded to berate me for my stupidity for not pulling over (which I had attempted) and for not stopping dead when he pulled out behind me. Midway through, his composure broke when, still spitting invective, he asked me why I didn't have any pants on. While that seemed obvious with three girls in the car, he needed explanation. My pants, thankfully, were still hanging out the back window on the passenger side so I just motioned to them to make sure he saw them. He slunked back to his car to beat off before walking back to give me some more shit about speeding and a ticket.
The lesson here is that if you have three girls in a car with you, keep your pants dry and close so that when you get pulled over for speeding, the gay cop doesn't pop a woody when he sees who he's got.
Posted by: argyle at November 24, 2004 03:19 PM
Thanks for the idea. It sounds like a great start to a 4 day weekend. (Not getting pulled over. Driving pantless.)
Watch me as I speed past you unweighted by those unnecessary pants I only occasionally wear.
Posted by: brian at November 24, 2004 03:47 PM